Born2lbfat

My life with Lipedema & Lymphedema...destined to be fat.

Why I Don’t Hate Myself For Being Fat

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I grew up in America, in the society that hates fat people and yet I’ve never hated myself. I’m not sure how I missed the memo that I am suppose to dislike my body and myself for that matter not just because I am fat, but I gather because I am female. It seems most women, no matter the size, skin color, hair color, or education level have been taught to hate at least one thing about themselves. To feel they are lesser than others, and for that matter then engage in this competition to be “better” than those who all feel the same way?

Confused?

Yes, so am I.

I am more confused by how I was able to avoid this self hate, and perhaps if I knew I could help others avoid hating themselves. It’s enough having society hate me for being fat, and then hate me even MORE for speaking up for myself against the hate. How dare the fat chick talk back to us? Or how dare the fat chick be happy? That’s not right, fat people are suppose to be sad and depressed! Shame on her for accepting herself and enjoying her life, that kind of example will never convince people that they should not want to be fat!

I make no apologies for being who I am, and loving who I am. If you cannot handle my reality then look away, but do not try to convince me that I am in denial.

People hate me because they fear being fat. They fear that if they become fat then society will treat them the way I am treated, or worse how they treat fat people. I have found the same hate from people who were once fat and have lost weight, they fear regain, they fear feeling the way they once felt about themselves. Why is being fat such a bad thing?

As I say, “Fat describes me, it does not define me.” Fat described my physical appearance, I do not hide from the “f” word. Sugar coating it by saying “pleasantly plump”, “plus size”, “fluffy”, “juicy”, “heavy set”, “full figured”, really does nothing to change my reality. After all, a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.

I do not hate being fat because I base my self worth on more than my appearance.

I have always been fat, I will always be fat. When I made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery the surgeons estimated goal weight for me based on losing 50-70% of my excess weight was 220lbs. At 5’3″ and 220lbs I would have still been morbidly obese and qualified for weight loss surgery. Four years after surgery, and after my panniculectomy I did reach my lowest adult weight of 250lbs. I had lost half my body weight from 502lbs.

Wow, half my size and my life was PERFECT. No, actually my life then was not as full filling and exciting as my life is today writing this at 406lbs (my scale could actually register my weight this morning instead of OVRLD).

When I hit my “rock bottom” moment in April 2000, I knew I had to make a plan to change my life. I was morbidly obese, unemployed, and had not completed my college degree. While my weight definitely affected my life, it was not the source of all my life problems. Yes, part of the reason I had not completed my degree was because it was often difficult to walk to class, there were also many times I walked to the building and spent the night talking to my best friend in the computer lab instead of going to class. My problems were not due to my weight; my weight and my life problems were due to me not taking care of myself.

My plan was to get my life together, address my health, which included my weight, to finish my education, and overall be employable. At that point in time it did not include having a boyfriend or dating. Honestly, getting my own life back on track was enough work without involving someone else in the process.

I might have mentioned this before but patience is not a strength of mine. So instead of setting small attainable goals to reach in a realistic time frame I decided to jump in head first. I applied for graduate school and was accepted, this then prompted me to quickly complete my Bachelor degree. I also decided the weight loss I was achieving on my own was not going to be enough, nor quick enough, so I researched and decided to have weight loss surgery. Looking back the decision to address my health and pursue my education at the same time was not wise. This was the peak time of my lymphedema treatment and in addition to the appointments to have manual lymph drainage and compression wrapping on legs I was also often hospitalized for cellutitis and required IV antibiotics. Nothing says dedication like pulling over to the side of the road to self administer IV medication via mediport.  I had to take a quarter off classes, and in others I took “incomplete”. As I said, I took on too much for me and my learning style and personal discipline to manage. Honestly, managing to walk around a hilly campus with my legs wrapped was quite an accomplishment. I probably just needed more time, perhaps another year to complete my studies. But instead, impatience me jumped shipped after two years and got a job. I planned on finishing my “incompletes” via e-mail. The professors agreed to the arrangement. However, when shortly after starting my new job I had a whole new wave of medical issues hit, and my life took a huge turn which actually lead to my current career.

My new job involved relocating to Miami, Florida. Life was getting better, or so I thought. Four months after my move I was hospitalized for cellulitis and a deep vein thrombosis. A few months later I suffered a transient ischemic attack (TIA) also know as a mini-stroke. Further tests revealed I had a hole in my heart that had gone unnoticed since birth. I had was on the scariest health roll coaster ever, and the issues had nothing to due with my weight. Although I am thankful that by this time I had my health on track or the stroke could have been worse.

In my journey, the weight I lost was not nearly as important as the strength I found in myself.

After a year of seeing numerous specialists and opting to have the hole in my heart closed, I then proceeded to have reconstructive surgeries to have excess skin removed. I also had to have a hernia repaired twice. The medical roller coaster involved more than just hospital and doctors it include learning to deal with insurance companies. I learned a lot, I had to fight a lot for coverage. I appealed and won on many occasions. It was a process I understood, I process others did not and I found myself helping friends and co-workers when they had insurance issues. I then decided to change careers and returned to college to get a degree in Health Services Administration. Graduation was timed quite well, just one month before my position at my job was eliminated and I was laid off.

It took me a year to find a new job, but I survived being unemployed. I learned to cut back on household expenses like cable. I sold items I no longer needed. I was resourceful, a problem solver, I focused on the positive:  I got to sleep in for an entire year! All jokes aside, the new job was not as expected. I experienced weight and disability bias and was not being judged on my appearance instead of my skills and abilities. If you have read this far you will understand why I was not going to accept that type of treatment. I had not worked as hard as I did to improve my life situation to be judged on my appearance. I did not base my worth on my appearance and I was not going to accept others doing so. Of course the more I stood up for myself against the bias, the more attempts were made to knock me down. Having had successfully survived unemployment in the past I was not scared of what the outcome was going to be, I was not going to waiver on standing up for myself. That job ended as expected.

While all this was going on in my life, my weight was also increasing. I even had a revision to my RNY in September 2010, and still my weight is back up to 400lbs. I can debate the reasons, I can defend my habits, I can point to Lipedema and the still many unknowns about the condition.

I choose to accept it, no I’m not “giving up”…I am, as I always have, accepting myself.

Just as being fat was not the source of my life problems over a decade ago, regaining weight does not take away or diminish all that I have accomplished and challenges I have overcome.

I still have my education, I still have my resilience, my survival skills. I have a new sense of adventure. I have a new sense of purpose. I have someone very special in my life who supports, encourages and accepts me…he’s also very handsome and makes me laugh…oh and gives good back rubs.

A change in weight does not change all the good that I have in my life.

I still have fat arms, a big butt, and huge legs. However, I also still have a beautiful smile, cute dimples and an awesome personality. Those attributes cannot be measured on scale, and if they could that scale would most likely read “OVRLD” just like my regular scale.

Why don’t I hate being fat? Because I don’t hate myself, I never have and I never will.

Bias Among Us – Good Intentions Gone Bad

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Part Two of my The Bias Among Us series, read Part One The Bias Among Us – Success?

I have always received the majority of my post-op weight loss surgery (WLS) support online. I initially met most of my WLS friends on ObesityHelp, then had the pleasure of meeting them in person at ObesityHelp events. I have attended eight ObesityHelp events and two Obesity Action Coalition events. Most event attendees will tell you that one of the BEST parts of events is meeting other people and socializing. I know that even after 10 years in the community I enjoy events for the opportunity to catch up with old friend and to meet new friends. However, recently there has been some very disturbing incidents  that have happened to me, and other long term post-ops that need to be discussed. Not much bothers me in life, but this is one of them, mostly because it totally zaps my mood, in the midst of enjoying life, socializing with others who “understand” the struggle of living with obesity I am reminded that some people still see me as just FAT, people who cannot see past my FAT to get to know the REAL me, to ask about my REAL journey, yet these same people claim to be “helpers”.

Last year at the inaugural OAC Your Weight Matters convention in Dallas, I meet many new friends. *wave* On the very first day of the conference a group of us were sitting in the lobby talking about our lives, not weight loss surgery, not weight…actually I have a very good memory, I was talking to another Sarah (spelled correctly with the H) about my job as she also worked in healthcare and was familiar with a company with whom I had just received a recruitment call. Suddenly, there was an interruption to my left, it was someone to whom I had never met asking me if I was pre-op and considering weight loss surgery, she came equipped with a pamphlet all about herself and her journey. She continued to tell me all about her weight loss, and how many support groups she speaks to about her journey. It was her sales pitch. Sorry I’m not pre-op, I”m actually many years post-op, yes I’ve regained. Yes, I know that despite having RNY and a revision I am still morbidly obese and qualify for surgery. I whip out my phone show my before picture, then quickly explain Lipedema and show my legs pictures and hope that’s enough to convey that I’m not buying what she was selling. And it was obviously enough because the person never interacted with me again the entire weekend. To me that showed her REAL intention was self promotion, not meeting me or getting to know me. If she really cared to know me, or the others sitting there, she would have engaged in the conversation, not interrupted then leave as soon as her sales pitch failed. This was further confirmed at the recent ObesityHelp Conference in Anaheim when the same person did not make any effort to engage in conversation with me, even after I reintroduced myself.

At the end of the very same conference it happened again. After walking my lap at the Walk from Obesity I went inside to warm up, Dallas was FREEZING that morning. So there I sit in my tutu and tiara and I’m approached by a fellow WLS patient and asked if I’m considering surgery, or am pre-op. Honestly, I don’t remember this conversation as much because I instantly started fiddling with my phone to pull up pictures. Why should I have to do this? I guess I don’t, I guess I could just be as rude as these people are and say something back to them verses explaining that yes I once weighed over 500lbs, see I used to be REALLY fat, now I’m just FAT FAT. I prefer the educational route, and at least this person was not trying to “sell” anything to me, they appeared to be genuinely concerned and/or interested in me and appreciated that I educated them about lipedema and lymphedema.

It is also troubling because the OAC Your Weight Matters Convention is NOT a weight loss surgery focused event, it is educational about healthy weight loss options, and advocacy for obesity. One of my favorite parts about the OAC is the work to make sure individuals have access to weight loss options “when they are ready.” During the weekend I met many professionals in the weight loss field, and not one of them approached me me to discuss my weight, so neither should regular attendees.

But Sarah, that was LAST year, get over it already, you’re too sensitive, these people are just trying to HELP.

No, actually some people are trying to get paid. I was recently scolded for speaking up against a comment I believed was stigmatizing against FAT people. I was told the person’s intentions were to help people, she has “found health” and just wants to pay it forward. Least we forget where we came from? I remember it fondly because I am almost back to where I started. Again the person trying to “help” also has a business marketed to post-op WLS patients, so let’s not confuse paying it forward to getting paid. I too have “found health”, my health might LOOK different than others’s perception of health, but I am healthy and I too help others. I have actually helped others for years to navigate the insurance process in order to get weight loss surgery and post-op plastic surgery covered. There is no weight or size requirement to help others, nor does losing 100lbs automatically qualify as a profession.

There is no weight or size requirement to help others, nor does losing 100lbs automatically qualify as a profession.

That recent experience is only one of the reasons I chose to finally write about this topic. Sadly, I have heard of several other incidents like the ones I experienced in Dallas, at other WLS events. Stories of long term post-ops or mid-journey post-ops being approached by fellow WLS patients and questioned as to why they have yet to reach “goal” weight (which who knows what someone else’s GOAL weight is????) or why the person hasn’t addressed their regain. Of course the person was ready to “help”, here just sign up for my program.

I have invited many long term post op friends to events in their areas only to be told “Oh, I’d LOVE to go, but I can’t, I’ve regained so much I’d be too embarrassed.”  Regain happens, it is more common that most think or want to accept. Regain is also the very reason to attend an event. Events can provide education, rejuvenation, and motivation. However, all that can be diminished by a well intentioned person speaking inappropriately to someone about their weight. While I am strong and will just speak up about it and blog about it, it could and does really upset others.

I’m sure many of you reading this will be able to guess who these people are, I am sure their intention are to help as I am sure there are people who would benefit from the type of helpful services they offer. I am just not one of those people, and I feel obligated to point out the approach is inappropriate. If you want to help people do not shame them, also do not dismiss ME as a fellow WLS patient just because I am not a pre-op or in need of your services. You’re missing out on a potential awesome, cool, and funny friend. Most people who take the time to get to know the REAL me would agree, if not I’ll just delete their comments.

On the serious note, this is me being helpful. There is nothing wrong with wanting to help others, or starting a business to do so, however if you are going to enter into “people helping” career, you need to work on people skills. As I stated before, I dislike being approached by strangers about my weight. However, being approached by fellow WLS patients is even more upsetting.

  • The WLS community is supposed to be one of support where people “understand” what it’s like to be obese. If you know what is it’s like or remember what it was like you know how mortifying it would have been to be approached about your weight. Also, in the WLS community you do not know if the person is pre-op, newly post-op, started at 500lbs and has lost 200, etc. We all come in so many shapes and sizes you cannot tell where we are in the journey by looking at us.
  • Get to know the person. How can you help someone if you do not know them, know their story, where they are on their journey, their struggles? That is the question to ask “Where are you on your journey?” I was recently asked this by a vendor at an event and it was the perfect way to find out how their product might be useful to me without them making an assumption about me based on my appearance.

This year at the OAC Convention in Phoenix I once again met many many news friends. Several who do have businesses or are speakers in the community, but that was not their “pick-up” line, we actually had conversations about ourselves, our lives….the real roots of a support community.

Lipedema Awareness: Just Keep Talking

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As Dorie the Fish would say “Just Keep Swimming”, in my case in order to spread awareness about Lipedema, I’ll “Just Keep Talking”, sharing my experiences and stories. Today yet another opportunity was presented to me, it was quite a whirlwind afternoon. At about 11:30 this morning I received an e-mail from James at the Obesity Action Coalition asking if I’d be interested in participating in a BBC show looking for people to share their story of living with obesity at 1:30 PM. I immediately replied, “Yes”…then I inquired about some details like “what’s the actual topic of the show?”, “who else was participating?”. Within minutes a staff member from BBC called me to give me more details, and to ask more information about me and my experiences with obesity. Oh and he asked if I had access to Skype, sure I do!

The show was BBC World Have Your Say and the segment was in regards to the story of Kevin Chenais, 22-year-old man from France who was stranded in Chicago because British Airways said that at 500lbs he was too fat to fly. Virgin Atlantic stepped up and flew Chenais to London, where he then encountered another travel issue. I was very familiar with the story, and relieved to hear he was finally getting help to get home.

There I sat in my bed, in my nightshirt, hair in ponytail, glasses on.

Skype means video, right? Ugh, I can’t talk about obesity from BED…what would people think? Probably nothing worse than they already think, but anyway I quickly got dressed, brushed my hair, and put some make-up on. Then another BBC staffer contacted me via Skype to test my connection and I found out it was going to be a radio show. Whew.

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I was instructed that the host would start the conversation but that they wanted the participants to just keeping talking in reply to each other, no waiting on the host to call on me for my opinion just chime right in with my comments. “Is that something you’d be comfortable doing?” That’s something I do all the time!

So I had the pleasure of chatting with two new friends, Becky and Misty, both bloggers who, like me, embrace the word FAT.

Here is the link to our conversation on World Have Your Say: (our segment begins At 31:20)

http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/…/whys/whys_20131120-1910a.mp3

 

Treat the Patient, Not the Obesity

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As part of ObesityWeek 2013 new guidelines for the treatment of obesity were released. The media has stated the guidelines are encouraging doctors to “get tough”, “be aggressive”, “take serious action” when treating obese patients. The actual guidelines do not use such harsh language, and it is bothersome that the media puts the “let’s get tough on the fatties” spin to the stories. As a patient who is obese, I believe the guidelines leave out two very important pieces to the treatment of obesity: identifying the cause of the patients’ excess weight and ensuring healthcare offices can adequately access and monitor obese patients. 

Focus on the patient, not their weight.

I have always been frustrated by doctors who blamed my medical issues on my weight, yet never offered real options for losing weight. So the suggestions that doctors get serious about a patients weight and go beyond the obvious “you need to lose weight” and actually offer and prescribe nutritional counseling and activity for how to lose weight will be helpful to many patients. However, I believe dietary changes and exercise should be recommendations to ALL patients with heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure. While excess weight can increase risk for these conditions, they are not exclusive to individuals with a high BMI.

What causes obesity?

Diagnose before offering treatment. There are many conditions and medications that can cause excess weight, doctors need to thoroughly examine the patient and address the actual cause of the obesity.

Yes, this is where I get on my Lipedema and Lymphedema soapbox. Both conditions are noticeable to the trained eye, the problem is there are not enough physicians who are trained to make a proper diagnosis. Instead, many patients, such as myself, are told to lose weight and when we do not lose weight as expected we are deemed non-compliant. And that label affects the way we are treated for all health issues. All my health vitals are normal, and should indicate that I live a somewhat healthy lifestyle, however there is still a focus my weight. For years, my weight increased while the actual cause of my weight, Lipedema, was not diagnosed and progressed to a stage further complicated by the development of Lymphedema. While the my health vitals, were normal, the Lipedema and Lymphedema was very much affecting my overall health. I developed severe cellulitis, and often required hospitalization for IV antibiotics and eventually needed a medi-port. During the hospital stays I contracted MRSA in the medi-port, that goes directly to my HEART. This greatly affected my mental and emotional health, as did the limitations on my mobility the conditions caused and the frustration of not getting any other explanation for what was happening with my legs than “it’s your weight”.

Accuracy is VITAL

As much as I was told the issues with my legs were because of my weight, the fact was my weight was unknown. The doctor’s office did not have a scale that could weigh me, nor did she attempt to locate a scale that could. On my own, I went to a local junk yard to weigh myself. No patient should have to make the effort to get their own vital health statistic. While that was ten years ago, I find today’s doctors offices are not any better equipped to care for patients with high BMIs.

In order for doctors to take obesity more seriously, they will need to have an accurate weight for patients. Currently, none of my doctors have scales to weigh me, yet, they all document the known incorrect weight. One office’s scale has a 300lbs limit, but it does at least register 328ish when I step on it. So the nurse documents that as my weight, even though I tell her that is not correct, and verbally give her my weight from my home scale. Again, this isn’t an issue in just ONE office, I encounter this problem is probably every doctors office I visit, expect for the bariatric surgeons office.

After the game of guess my weight, comes the torture of having my BP checked. Yet, another VITAL health statistic that is often not correctly taken nor monitored in obese patients. If the BP isn’t taken correctly, it is not an accurate reading, and thus monitoring inaccurate data serves no purpose. The blood pressure cuff needs to properly fit the patient’s arm. Cuffs that are too tight will give inaccurately high readings. Doctors’ offices need to have large cuffs, even thigh cuffs available, and staff need to know the where the cuffs are kept so patients can have their BP taken correctly.

Also, stop relying on BP machines, they are not accurate, especially on FAT arms. Every time my blood pressure is taken with a machine, it has to inflate twice then reads high. Again, I will let the nurse know the information is not correct, yet it gets documented in my medical record. My last employer’s wellness program was told I had high BP and I was put on a “plan” to reduce it”, which thankfully I did rather quickly by having my regular doctor submit my REAL blood pressure, which she gets by manually taking my BP using a thigh cuff. In addition, staff should be trained on how to take a blood pressure reading on the lower part of the arm, in case no cuff is available to fit the upper arm. Also, wrist blood pressure cuffs should be utilized.

Better scales and larger BP cuffs are not expensive items for doctor offices to purchase, and yet are very important tools to properly diagnosing, monitoring and treating patients.

Does your primary care doctor have a scale to weigh you? Share with me your experiences in the comments.

My Story in Psychology Today

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My story is profiled in the current issue of Psychology Today (December 2013), as part of the article Do I Make You Uncomfortable?

This is the article for which I had My Abnormal Photo Shoot. In late August, I replied to a Facebook notice shared by the Obesity Action Coalition. Being a member of the OAC has provided many opportunities to share my story, and thus spread awareness about lipedema and lymphedema.

Does my fat make you uncomfortable?

According to the article that is YOUR issue, not mine. I knew this already, but I admit I misunderstood the article concept as originally told to me: “story about the experiences of those with physical differences—and how, on both a societal and individual level, we can overcome negative or prejudiced responses.” I thought the article was going to focus on those of us on the receiving end of the negative and prejudiced responses. Through my own sessions with a psychologist, I learned I cannot change other people’s behaviors, I can only control my own reaction. To my pleasant surprise the article’s focus is on the response people have when they see a person with a physical difference. It is a refreshing change for the discussion to address why some people have such adverse reactions to ME, since it is usually just accepted that it’s normal for people to act in such ways towards people who are abnormal. And yet, it’s not normal. Not everyone who sees me has a negative or prejudiced response, if that was the case I would not have so many supportive friends. So what does prompt the negative response?

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Protective Prejudice

The theory discussed in the article is that people’s negative and prejudices reactions towards physical difference is rooted in an immune response and survival instinct protecting against disease. Interesting idea for sure! And does go along with the idea that people project their own insecurities towards me. The personal stories shared tell of instances for which we have experiences negative reactions based on our appears, mine included the now famous “check out them cankles” incident. It is inspiring that the other individual profiled in the story have the same positive attitude and outlook as I do and the hope that by sharing our stories we can help others.

Research suggesting that prejudice is a flexible trait abounds — and simply being aware that it’s not fixed can significantly reduce discriminatory behavior. Accepting that we all hold negative associates and becoming aware of the one we automatically make are also critical steps in the process of counteracting our biases. So, too, is encouraging people to talk about their negative perceptions.

My abnormal appearance is beneficial in life, it serves as a screening process. If people do not want to get to know me because of my looks, their loss. Now sure, it hurt when I experienced weight bias in the workplace but obviously that was not a company whose values align with mine.

Leave me a comment:

Have you read the full article? Share your thoughts.

Does my appearance make you uncomfortable?

Have you ever experienced a negative or prejudiced reaction to your appearance?

Admit It: You Drink Diet Soda

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National Health Blog Post Month – Day 9:  Just admit it!

It’s taboo. Write about something that people do but don’t like to talk about or won’t admit to doing.

With a STRAW!

With a STRAW!

Nothing stirs up debate within the weight loss surgery community like a discussion about drinking diet soda. Rumors and scare tactics surround  the consumption of carbonated beverages from being the cause of regain to causing pouches to explode. Surgeons’ post-op protocols vary on whether or not weight loss surgery patients should consume diet soda. Some surgeons say NEVER, some say whenever as long as the bubbles don’t bother you.

My surgeon’s protocol was the latter, actually my nutritionist’s recommendation was I could try diet soda, and if it didn’t bother my stomach I could have it in moderation. So I did, and I do drink diet soda. The moderation part….um not so much.

My name is Sarah and I’m addicted to Diet Mtn Dew.

There I said it. I admit it. I do not deny I drink diet soda. It is probably my one unhealthy habit. I do not drink alcohol, I do not smoke, let me have my diet soda!

I’m not the only one. Yes, I do know many post-ops who have forever given up their bubbly soda. Kudos to you. You are stronger than I, although I’m sure there is something you enjoy, and enjoy probably a bit more than you should. Don’t we all have something we over indulge in?

Drinking diet soda is so taboo that many post-ops hide their drinking. Which is odd in a community that so opening partakes in drinking alcohol. At an event a few years ago I actually had a fellow post-op question why I was drinking Diet Coke, when I should be well aware of it’s relation to regain. He was drinking bourbon or whiskey on the rocks. Really?

It’s interesting watching fellow post-ops “hide” their diet sodas at events. I’ve seen it poured into cups to hide, or taken in grocery bags  to rooms for private consumption. As if there is an “image” to uphold and we must not let others see us being real humans who drink diet soda. When I attend events I drink my diet soda straight from the original bottle or can, and in public. It’s interesting to see others reaction, I was even asked “where I got the contraband?” Seriously, it’s diet soda, not crack. Are we not adults capable of making our own choices?

It could be worse, it could be regular soda. Right? I know, the studies say…………..

But there are so many chemicals. Excuse me but take a look at the ingredient list on your protein shake.

So let’s be real each other, we are humans, we are not perfect…actually I have a confession to make. The other day I mentioned that I took a couple Advil for pain in my legs. I was asked if I ate something with them since NSAIDS are also a supposed “no – no” in the WLS world. I assured the person I take proper precautions, as I also take a daily aspirin for medical reasons.

The truth is yes, I ate something…I washed the Advil down with Diet Mtn Dew and two cookies.

So tell me, do you drink diet soda? Energy drink?

 

Living with Lipedema: Why Me?

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logo-bornLiving with lipedema, as with the management of any chronic condition, presents physical, mental, and emotional challenges.

Physically, my arms and legs are heavy and extremely sensitive, the excess weight causes pressure and pain in my joints and tires me out very easily.

Mentally, I struggle with the reality of having a progressive condition to which little is know, and to which few effective treatment options exist and are not readily accessible or require insurance appeals to get covered.

Emotionally, I live in fear of when my next bought of cellulitis will occur. I am judged and stereotyped based on my appearance. I have been discriminated against in the workplace, and been denied proper medical treatment because of weight bias and stigma.

I often ask WHY ME?

A few months ago I made a pretty risky life decision, but one I felt was best for my overall health. I have returned to college and revived this blog and focus more on advocacy. Sharing my story publicly opens me up to comments and feedback, I have been warned the internet is can be a not so nice place. I know this…but I also know that awareness needed and I must continue speak  up.

But WHY ME?

A college friend sent me this message a few day ago  that answered that question:

“Though you’ve always had a voice, we are both great talkers. I believe you have truly and finally found YOUR voice. I think you’ve landed and are doing exactly what you should be doing. Perhaps you were given your conditions so that you can use your ability to talk-and unabashed ability to speak your mind so that those who aren’t as vocal (and I mean that in a great way) have someone on their side to encourage them to speak up when things go wrong.”

 

 

“You need to get the Lapband surgery.”

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In her Hot Topics segment (at 8:30), Wendy Williams discusses Ruben Studdard’s performance on The Biggest Loser then suggests he get Lapband surgery.

First, I think it’s completely out of place to be discussing his weight on her show in this manner.

Second, Wendy Williams got her MD when?

Third, the decision to have weight loss surgery is a personal decision that should be made with counsel of one’s own physician not a talk show host. There are also more options for weight loss surgery than Lapband. There are RNY gastric bypass, vertical sleeve gastrectomy, and duodenal switch.

Earlier in the segment she made comments about how Gov. Christie did not appear to have lost that much weight since his Lapband surgery. (3:45) “Can I just talk about this surgery he got for weight loss? What happened…like I don’t notice the difference.”

So Wendy, you talk about Gov. Christie for not losing enough weight with Lapband surgery, but you suggest Ruben should have the same surgery to help with his weight???????

I’m aware that Wendy Williams is know for dishing on celebrity’s’ looks and that she too has her own critics, however, the line here is crossed when she offered medical advice.

The Bias Among Us – Success?

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This blog topic is LONG overdue, and actually I have so much to say on the topic I feel the need to make it a series of posts. A couple months  ago I wrote about the fat shaming I’ve experienced from strangers, however even more troubling is the weight bias I have experienced within the weight loss surgery community. Let me reiterate I’m not calling any person biased, I’m labeling the actions and comments as biased. I know intentions are often to “help others” but as the person on the receiving end of the comments and actions, I feel it’s my duty to let you know they hurt far more often than help.

The picture of SUCCESS!

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Last month I attended the ObesityHelp #OH2013 Conference in Anaheim, CA, I was a member of the event staff and as so I posted this picture to the ObesityHelp Facebook wall in order to promote the evening’s event. Under the picture I posted “Sarahlicious is warming up the Red Carpet! Are you ready to celebrate your success?” The theme of that evening’s party was “Celebrate Your Success”, I never actually called myself a success, I asked if others were ready to celebrate THEIR SUCCESS. A fellow WLS (weight loss surgery) patient commented on my picture with “success????????????????????????”.

This picture represents MY SUCCESS in several ways. “What? How? You’re still fat????”

  • I am a success because I am alive after surviving a deep vein thrombosis, mini-stroke, and patent foraman ovale (hole in my heart).
  • I am a success because I have maintained 100lbs weight loss for 10 years, was it more, sure…did I regain, yes! But 100lbs loss is still a success in my book!
  • I am a success because I have completed two bachelor degrees and I’m pursing my Masters in Health Law.
  • I am a success because I no longer have sleep apnea or high blood pressure, all other health vital are and have been normal.
  • I am a success because I love myself, and others love me for who I am.
  • I am a success because I share my story to advocate for and help others.
  • I am a success because I stand up against weight stigma and bias.
  • I am a success because I am winning the battle against disfiguring lymphedema and lipedema.

Success is a personal accomplishment, and since pictures are more powerful than words…

legsbefore

legsafter

However, I should not have to list my accomplishments or pull out my phone to show others pictures to PROVE I am a success. As a community we need to stop judging ourselves and others based on the scale. We need to stop judging, PERIOD.

 

NHBPM Day 3: My Mascot!

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day3

National Health Blog Post Month Day 3: My Mascot!
Give your condition, community, or self a mascot. Who is it? What do they represent? What is their battle cry?

My Mascot? My friends know my Mascot is my boyfriend. His online gamer name is Mascot, so I often refer to him by that, along with about three other “names” none of which are his REAL name. Mascot, my boyfriend, is also responsible for giving me the idea for my mascot, Princess Peach. When we first met he nicknamed me Peach because my initials, SMB, are the same as Super Mario Bros,  I have blonde hair (when I have highlights), and my real name, Sarah, means Princess…oh and I bake cakes!

peach

I’m not quite the damsel in distress like Princess Peach, I’m not one to just be waiting around to be saved. I am perfectly capable of playing the game, and facing the challenges of life on my own. However, I do suck at playing video games, so I would have to say I’m just a “support character” in that sense. And like Princess Peach, I do not have very good vertical jumping abilities. But I like a good adventure!

Lymphedema and Lipedema do often “kidnap” me. The pain and swelling associated with the conditions often limit my ability to walk and be as active as I would like. Treatment can be just as  limiting as the conditions. Being tethered to a compression pump for hours a day, or being compression wrapped like a mummy can be both a physical and mental struggle to manage.

I found these toy cars with Peach and Mario and we take them with us on our adventures. We now live 1000 miles apart so Peach and Mario are even more important to me as a way to keep connected. Like the game there are always different types of levels and worlds to challenge and achievements to reach. I have dealt with lymphedema and lipedema for more than a decade, and yet there are always new challenges and new opportunities on the horizon. This blog is one of them. My Mascot, the boyfriend, supports me through the challenges my condition presents. He is my support and my cheerleader, and Princess Peach reminds me of him and the super powers he gives me in life.

peachmario