Born2lbfat

My life with Lipedema & Lymphedema...destined to be fat.

Why I use the F-word

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I use the f-word for several reasons. Let me clarify, this is why I use the 3-letter f-word, FAT. (why I use the 4-letter f-word is a blog for another day, if that even needs an explanation)

I refer to myself as fat because I am fat. This is how I self-identify, so it’s not for others to tell me whether I am right or wrong for referring to myself as fat. However, I realize by doing so and by having the f-word in the name of my blog people make assumptions about me and my mental and emotional health. Also, as an advocate against weight bias I am sure it can be confusing that I advocate against stigma and bias yet refer to myself as fat.

Surprisingly, or not so much, people associate the word FAT with negativity. Some might think I use the f-word to reclaim control of its connotation, to put a positive face to the otherwise negative perception. There might be a bit of truth to that as I do not think being fat is a bad thing, there are far worse things to be in life than to be fat. But the real reason is because plain and simply, or beautiful and complicated…I am fat.

Why do I refer to myself as fat instead of obese, plus-size, fluffy, juicy, pleasantly plump?

I do not believe I am a person affected by the disease obesity. I have no metabolic co-morbid health issues related to my excess weight. The disease I am affected by is Lipedema, which  is a fat disorder. My body has too much fat, that causes my BMI to fall into the morbidly obese range and I disagree with the way BMI is used as an indicator of health, so once again I opt to use fat instead of obese.

Fat is a medical term, our bodies are comprised of bones, skin, muscles, and fat among other things.

Everyone has fat, I just have more of it.

Fat describes me, it does not define me.

Fat is a physical aspect of my body it is not an indicator of my intelligence, self-worth, abilities, or character.

TSA Precheck Might Reduce Fat Pat Downs

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On a recent trip I was randomly selected to use the TSA Precheck lane at the airport and it was WONDERFUL. I didn’t have to take off my shoes, or remove my laptop or liquids from my carry-on. But best of all there was no full body pat down of my fat.

Thankfully, I had already initiated my application to get a known traveler number so I will be able to use the Precheck lane for all my future travel. This specific airport I only had to go through the metal detector, I am not sure how the Precheck lanes are at other airports but my hope is Precheck will reduce the need for full body pat downs. I know I am not the only passenger of size who has been submitted to some overly intimate searches of my person, due to fat or excess skin.

“Ma’am I’m going to have to pat down your thighs.”

I once thought the worse part of flying was having to take my shoes off, then TSA began using the new body scanners and I was subjected to a full body pat down every time I passed through security. For some reason these high power technically advanced security scanners think  my fat is a possible threat to our national security? I actually do have more than 3 ounces of fluid in my legs, but it poses no elevated risk to anyone but me, as flying causes my legs to swell.

The pat down (more like quick strokes of the hands, but it is still touching) requires me to spread my legs enough so they can pat each thigh individually, front and back. They pat down both calves, and both arms. Occasionally, they pat down my chest. I come to expect it, and I step out of the scanner ready to comply. After all, the TSA agents are just doing their jobs. They have always been polite to me. I usually state that I have a medical condition that causes excess fluid in my limbs which is why the scanner alerted them to the areas, and on most occasions the agent has asked if her touching me hurts. It does not. Nor does it trigger any emotional effects. However, I completely understand that for many people such a search and pat down can create both physical and emotional pain.

So here is the chance to possibly reduce TSA pat downs, “possibly” because at any time a passenger can be subjected to additional screening by TSA. Also, as I mentioned I have so far only used the Precheck lane at one airport so I can not state with certainty that all use metal detectors verses body scanners. But I believe for now using the Precheck lane is the best hope we have to avoid a full body pat down of our fat and excess skin.

How can I access the TSA Precheck lane?

There are several ways to access TSA Precheck: randomly, via airline frequent flyer program, or having a known traveler number (KTN). The only way to guarantee use of the lane everytime you travel is having a known traveler number (KTN). In order to receive a KTN you must complete the application process for one of the Trusted Traveler Programs.

I applied for Global Entry ($100 fee)  because I have a passport and hope to fly internationally more in the future. If you do not have a passport and only fly within the US you can apply for the TSA Precheck ($85 fee). All Trusted Traveler Program memberships last five years.

I applied online for Global Entry in January. I had to provide typical background information, my citizenship information (Passport Number), and pay the $100 fee. Within 24 hours I received notification that I was approved for the program and that I needed to schedule an in person interview within 30 days. I had 30 days to schedule the interview, the actual dates available for interviews at my nearest Global Entry location were in April.

I had the interview a couple weeks ago. I simply had to show up at my scheduled time with my approval letter and passport. I was asked to confirm some questions from my online application, and asked a few additional question. My photo and fingerprints were taken. The interview took 15 minutes. Now all I have to do is make sure my KTN is listed on my airline reservations and I will be able to use the Precheck lane at the airport security check point for all my future travels.

I realize for some the fee and background check might not seem worth it to use a “fast lane”, but I also know for many of us who endure the full body pat downs, it is more than worth it, not to mention no longer having to take off our shoes!

Bias Among Us – Good Intentions Gone Bad

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Part Two of my The Bias Among Us series, read Part One The Bias Among Us – Success?

I have always received the majority of my post-op weight loss surgery (WLS) support online. I initially met most of my WLS friends on ObesityHelp, then had the pleasure of meeting them in person at ObesityHelp events. I have attended eight ObesityHelp events and two Obesity Action Coalition events. Most event attendees will tell you that one of the BEST parts of events is meeting other people and socializing. I know that even after 10 years in the community I enjoy events for the opportunity to catch up with old friend and to meet new friends. However, recently there has been some very disturbing incidents  that have happened to me, and other long term post-ops that need to be discussed. Not much bothers me in life, but this is one of them, mostly because it totally zaps my mood, in the midst of enjoying life, socializing with others who “understand” the struggle of living with obesity I am reminded that some people still see me as just FAT, people who cannot see past my FAT to get to know the REAL me, to ask about my REAL journey, yet these same people claim to be “helpers”.

Last year at the inaugural OAC Your Weight Matters convention in Dallas, I meet many new friends. *wave* On the very first day of the conference a group of us were sitting in the lobby talking about our lives, not weight loss surgery, not weight…actually I have a very good memory, I was talking to another Sarah (spelled correctly with the H) about my job as she also worked in healthcare and was familiar with a company with whom I had just received a recruitment call. Suddenly, there was an interruption to my left, it was someone to whom I had never met asking me if I was pre-op and considering weight loss surgery, she came equipped with a pamphlet all about herself and her journey. She continued to tell me all about her weight loss, and how many support groups she speaks to about her journey. It was her sales pitch. Sorry I’m not pre-op, I”m actually many years post-op, yes I’ve regained. Yes, I know that despite having RNY and a revision I am still morbidly obese and qualify for surgery. I whip out my phone show my before picture, then quickly explain Lipedema and show my legs pictures and hope that’s enough to convey that I’m not buying what she was selling. And it was obviously enough because the person never interacted with me again the entire weekend. To me that showed her REAL intention was self promotion, not meeting me or getting to know me. If she really cared to know me, or the others sitting there, she would have engaged in the conversation, not interrupted then leave as soon as her sales pitch failed. This was further confirmed at the recent ObesityHelp Conference in Anaheim when the same person did not make any effort to engage in conversation with me, even after I reintroduced myself.

At the end of the very same conference it happened again. After walking my lap at the Walk from Obesity I went inside to warm up, Dallas was FREEZING that morning. So there I sit in my tutu and tiara and I’m approached by a fellow WLS patient and asked if I’m considering surgery, or am pre-op. Honestly, I don’t remember this conversation as much because I instantly started fiddling with my phone to pull up pictures. Why should I have to do this? I guess I don’t, I guess I could just be as rude as these people are and say something back to them verses explaining that yes I once weighed over 500lbs, see I used to be REALLY fat, now I’m just FAT FAT. I prefer the educational route, and at least this person was not trying to “sell” anything to me, they appeared to be genuinely concerned and/or interested in me and appreciated that I educated them about lipedema and lymphedema.

It is also troubling because the OAC Your Weight Matters Convention is NOT a weight loss surgery focused event, it is educational about healthy weight loss options, and advocacy for obesity. One of my favorite parts about the OAC is the work to make sure individuals have access to weight loss options “when they are ready.” During the weekend I met many professionals in the weight loss field, and not one of them approached me me to discuss my weight, so neither should regular attendees.

But Sarah, that was LAST year, get over it already, you’re too sensitive, these people are just trying to HELP.

No, actually some people are trying to get paid. I was recently scolded for speaking up against a comment I believed was stigmatizing against FAT people. I was told the person’s intentions were to help people, she has “found health” and just wants to pay it forward. Least we forget where we came from? I remember it fondly because I am almost back to where I started. Again the person trying to “help” also has a business marketed to post-op WLS patients, so let’s not confuse paying it forward to getting paid. I too have “found health”, my health might LOOK different than others’s perception of health, but I am healthy and I too help others. I have actually helped others for years to navigate the insurance process in order to get weight loss surgery and post-op plastic surgery covered. There is no weight or size requirement to help others, nor does losing 100lbs automatically qualify as a profession.

There is no weight or size requirement to help others, nor does losing 100lbs automatically qualify as a profession.

That recent experience is only one of the reasons I chose to finally write about this topic. Sadly, I have heard of several other incidents like the ones I experienced in Dallas, at other WLS events. Stories of long term post-ops or mid-journey post-ops being approached by fellow WLS patients and questioned as to why they have yet to reach “goal” weight (which who knows what someone else’s GOAL weight is????) or why the person hasn’t addressed their regain. Of course the person was ready to “help”, here just sign up for my program.

I have invited many long term post op friends to events in their areas only to be told “Oh, I’d LOVE to go, but I can’t, I’ve regained so much I’d be too embarrassed.”  Regain happens, it is more common that most think or want to accept. Regain is also the very reason to attend an event. Events can provide education, rejuvenation, and motivation. However, all that can be diminished by a well intentioned person speaking inappropriately to someone about their weight. While I am strong and will just speak up about it and blog about it, it could and does really upset others.

I’m sure many of you reading this will be able to guess who these people are, I am sure their intention are to help as I am sure there are people who would benefit from the type of helpful services they offer. I am just not one of those people, and I feel obligated to point out the approach is inappropriate. If you want to help people do not shame them, also do not dismiss ME as a fellow WLS patient just because I am not a pre-op or in need of your services. You’re missing out on a potential awesome, cool, and funny friend. Most people who take the time to get to know the REAL me would agree, if not I’ll just delete their comments.

On the serious note, this is me being helpful. There is nothing wrong with wanting to help others, or starting a business to do so, however if you are going to enter into “people helping” career, you need to work on people skills. As I stated before, I dislike being approached by strangers about my weight. However, being approached by fellow WLS patients is even more upsetting.

  • The WLS community is supposed to be one of support where people “understand” what it’s like to be obese. If you know what is it’s like or remember what it was like you know how mortifying it would have been to be approached about your weight. Also, in the WLS community you do not know if the person is pre-op, newly post-op, started at 500lbs and has lost 200, etc. We all come in so many shapes and sizes you cannot tell where we are in the journey by looking at us.
  • Get to know the person. How can you help someone if you do not know them, know their story, where they are on their journey, their struggles? That is the question to ask “Where are you on your journey?” I was recently asked this by a vendor at an event and it was the perfect way to find out how their product might be useful to me without them making an assumption about me based on my appearance.

This year at the OAC Convention in Phoenix I once again met many many news friends. Several who do have businesses or are speakers in the community, but that was not their “pick-up” line, we actually had conversations about ourselves, our lives….the real roots of a support community.

I Am Thankful For My Fat

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National Health Blog Post Month Day 28 – A Time to Give Thanks

What’s the one thing you’re most thankful for? Write a list of three things that you’re thankful for, excited about, or inspired by. 

I am most thankful for my fat. My fat is a part of who I am, more than just physically. My fat has made me stronger, kinder, and a more resourceful person. My fat makes me unique. Despite the challenges in life having Lipedema, and the excess fat, have presented I take every moment as a learning experience and I continue to move forward living the fullest and healthiest life possible.

I am most excited about 2014. I plan on attending several conferences, many to which will be first time conferences for me and I look forward to the information and opportunities.

I am most inspired by the new friends and fellow Lipedema patients I have made this past year.

My Story in Psychology Today

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My story is profiled in the current issue of Psychology Today (December 2013), as part of the article Do I Make You Uncomfortable?

This is the article for which I had My Abnormal Photo Shoot. In late August, I replied to a Facebook notice shared by the Obesity Action Coalition. Being a member of the OAC has provided many opportunities to share my story, and thus spread awareness about lipedema and lymphedema.

Does my fat make you uncomfortable?

According to the article that is YOUR issue, not mine. I knew this already, but I admit I misunderstood the article concept as originally told to me: “story about the experiences of those with physical differences—and how, on both a societal and individual level, we can overcome negative or prejudiced responses.” I thought the article was going to focus on those of us on the receiving end of the negative and prejudiced responses. Through my own sessions with a psychologist, I learned I cannot change other people’s behaviors, I can only control my own reaction. To my pleasant surprise the article’s focus is on the response people have when they see a person with a physical difference. It is a refreshing change for the discussion to address why some people have such adverse reactions to ME, since it is usually just accepted that it’s normal for people to act in such ways towards people who are abnormal. And yet, it’s not normal. Not everyone who sees me has a negative or prejudiced response, if that was the case I would not have so many supportive friends. So what does prompt the negative response?

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Protective Prejudice

The theory discussed in the article is that people’s negative and prejudices reactions towards physical difference is rooted in an immune response and survival instinct protecting against disease. Interesting idea for sure! And does go along with the idea that people project their own insecurities towards me. The personal stories shared tell of instances for which we have experiences negative reactions based on our appears, mine included the now famous “check out them cankles” incident. It is inspiring that the other individual profiled in the story have the same positive attitude and outlook as I do and the hope that by sharing our stories we can help others.

Research suggesting that prejudice is a flexible trait abounds — and simply being aware that it’s not fixed can significantly reduce discriminatory behavior. Accepting that we all hold negative associates and becoming aware of the one we automatically make are also critical steps in the process of counteracting our biases. So, too, is encouraging people to talk about their negative perceptions.

My abnormal appearance is beneficial in life, it serves as a screening process. If people do not want to get to know me because of my looks, their loss. Now sure, it hurt when I experienced weight bias in the workplace but obviously that was not a company whose values align with mine.

Leave me a comment:

Have you read the full article? Share your thoughts.

Does my appearance make you uncomfortable?

Have you ever experienced a negative or prejudiced reaction to your appearance?

Living with Lipedema: Why Me?

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logo-bornLiving with lipedema, as with the management of any chronic condition, presents physical, mental, and emotional challenges.

Physically, my arms and legs are heavy and extremely sensitive, the excess weight causes pressure and pain in my joints and tires me out very easily.

Mentally, I struggle with the reality of having a progressive condition to which little is know, and to which few effective treatment options exist and are not readily accessible or require insurance appeals to get covered.

Emotionally, I live in fear of when my next bought of cellulitis will occur. I am judged and stereotyped based on my appearance. I have been discriminated against in the workplace, and been denied proper medical treatment because of weight bias and stigma.

I often ask WHY ME?

A few months ago I made a pretty risky life decision, but one I felt was best for my overall health. I have returned to college and revived this blog and focus more on advocacy. Sharing my story publicly opens me up to comments and feedback, I have been warned the internet is can be a not so nice place. I know this…but I also know that awareness needed and I must continue speak  up.

But WHY ME?

A college friend sent me this message a few day ago  that answered that question:

“Though you’ve always had a voice, we are both great talkers. I believe you have truly and finally found YOUR voice. I think you’ve landed and are doing exactly what you should be doing. Perhaps you were given your conditions so that you can use your ability to talk-and unabashed ability to speak your mind so that those who aren’t as vocal (and I mean that in a great way) have someone on their side to encourage them to speak up when things go wrong.”

 

 

The Bias Among Us – Success?

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This blog topic is LONG overdue, and actually I have so much to say on the topic I feel the need to make it a series of posts. A couple months  ago I wrote about the fat shaming I’ve experienced from strangers, however even more troubling is the weight bias I have experienced within the weight loss surgery community. Let me reiterate I’m not calling any person biased, I’m labeling the actions and comments as biased. I know intentions are often to “help others” but as the person on the receiving end of the comments and actions, I feel it’s my duty to let you know they hurt far more often than help.

The picture of SUCCESS!

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Last month I attended the ObesityHelp #OH2013 Conference in Anaheim, CA, I was a member of the event staff and as so I posted this picture to the ObesityHelp Facebook wall in order to promote the evening’s event. Under the picture I posted “Sarahlicious is warming up the Red Carpet! Are you ready to celebrate your success?” The theme of that evening’s party was “Celebrate Your Success”, I never actually called myself a success, I asked if others were ready to celebrate THEIR SUCCESS. A fellow WLS (weight loss surgery) patient commented on my picture with “success????????????????????????”.

This picture represents MY SUCCESS in several ways. “What? How? You’re still fat????”

  • I am a success because I am alive after surviving a deep vein thrombosis, mini-stroke, and patent foraman ovale (hole in my heart).
  • I am a success because I have maintained 100lbs weight loss for 10 years, was it more, sure…did I regain, yes! But 100lbs loss is still a success in my book!
  • I am a success because I have completed two bachelor degrees and I’m pursing my Masters in Health Law.
  • I am a success because I no longer have sleep apnea or high blood pressure, all other health vital are and have been normal.
  • I am a success because I love myself, and others love me for who I am.
  • I am a success because I share my story to advocate for and help others.
  • I am a success because I stand up against weight stigma and bias.
  • I am a success because I am winning the battle against disfiguring lymphedema and lipedema.

Success is a personal accomplishment, and since pictures are more powerful than words…

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However, I should not have to list my accomplishments or pull out my phone to show others pictures to PROVE I am a success. As a community we need to stop judging ourselves and others based on the scale. We need to stop judging, PERIOD.

 

Kids do not need a letter to know they are fat on Halloween

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There is a woman in North Dakota who feels it’s her duty to save obese children from themselves this Halloween. She has decided to hand out “fat letters” to children to whom she deems are obese while giving candy to the other kids. I am left to wonder if she is doing any diabetes or dental checks on the normal sized kids. After all, the reality is that candy is not “good” for anyone.

But it’s Halloween, it’s the time of year kids to get to dress up as their favorite character and go walk about the neighborhood with their friends. That is unless you are the FAT kid. Then finding a costume, especially of a favorite character, is most likely not going to happen. Definitely, NOT going to fit into a store bought costume. So maybe you’re creative and have the means to create an awesome DIY costume, which I was THAT fat kid a few times. Yes, I wanted to be an alarm clock! What kid doesn’t want to be an alarm clock? No, I wouldn’t have rather been Rainbow Brite or Jem. (of course I would have) But my sister and I were GENIUS and cut out a round piece of cardboard, put some numbers on it, and tethered it around my neck.  I was an alarm clock! Let’s go get some candy!

Trick or Treating was by far the most intense workout I got as a kid. I walked to school every day, but that roundtrip was nothing compared to the Trick or Treat challenge, cover the neighborhood in 1.5 hours. Yes, where I grew up Trick or Treat was scheduled. My friend’s mom led a small group of us around and kept us on task. We only went to houses where people were outside on their porches (wasted no time knocking on doors), we zigzagged across the street, then circled around to the next block. I really should stop and calculate the number of blocks we covered. The entire time it was “go, go, go”, we walked up steps, and up hills. And trust me, every huff n puff moment as trudged along as a clock I knew I was FAT. I didn’t need any well meaning neighbor giving me letter of notification!

But like most other things in my life, I wasn’t going to let my weight stop me from participating. I was not going to let being FAT keep me from enjoying the night out with my friends, trying to accomplish our mission of getting to every house on our route in the allotted time. Honestly, Halloween was NEVER about the candy. There was candy at home, the GOOD candy that my mom bought to pass out for Trick or Treat. If all I wanted was to stuff my face with candy, I could have sat at home and just ate what I wanted. No, Halloween like other holidays is about the experience.

Honey Boo Boo

The experience is same the reason I am excited about participating in Halloween as an adult. As a fat adult the costumes can still be a challenge, but my creativity and DIY abilities have served me well. Yes, I wanted to be Honey Boo Boo…I actually WON a costume contest as Honey Boo Boo! As for Trick or Treat, this year will be the first time in many years I will actually be at home, and live in a neighborhood where there will be Trick or Treaters. I do not have kids and I do not know many of my neighbors. I could easily turn off my porch light and stay inside.  Instead I am excited that I can participate in Halloween, and I ordered toys to pass out.  No candy. I admit I fear being seen as the “fat lady” handing out candy. I also know taste vary so much I could never possibly please all the kids with my choices. Then there are kids with food allergies.  Choking hazards, we used to buy safety suckers to give the toddlers. Also, I just LOVE toys, and I picked out some really awesome toys. I also asked my parent friends on Facebook if they would be upset if their child was given a noise maker? As you can already read I’m putting way too much thought and effort into this….just buy some candy already.

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Perhaps I’m too considerate of other people; perhaps the woman in ND should take a lesson from me. If her concern is really for the well-being of children then there are many better options she could do instead of fat shaming kids. How does a letter telling a parent their kid is fat help reduce childhood obesity? Yet she is STILL handing out candy to other kids, does their health not matter? Also health is not just physical, it is emotional too. Fat shaming kids on a day that is supposed to be FUN, is just mean and will hurt kids not help them. She could donate money to help local parks and recreation center, volunteer for local Halloween carnivals, or organize a Halloween themed fun run/walk for her community.