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Born2lbfat

My life with Lipedema & Lymphedema...destined to be fat.

How My Mom’s Boob Won A Pink KitchenAid Mixer

October 3, 2014 by Sarah Bramblette 1 Comment

pink kitchenaid mixerThis is a true story as told via Facebook posts, on how my mom’s boob won a pink KitchenAid mixer. Well more like how me talking about  my mom’s boob on Facebook won a pink KitchenAid mixer. My mom is a 14 year breast cancer survivor, she is also the reason for why I am the confident woman I am. However, this story is not just about a boob (well two boobs, we’ll get to that later, but not like you think), it’s about the humor we find in life, even in challenging times, and the outpouring of kindness from strangers.

A little back story. I love to bake. I learned to cook and bake from my mom, my fondest memories are of sitting in the kitchen talking to her as she cooked dinner and showing me her secret techniques to some of the family favorites. A few years ago I mentioned that I wanted a KitchenAid mixer and mom questioned why anyone would need a $300 mixer. However, after spending a week visiting me she saw just how many times I baked in a week and no longer questioned why I wanted one, but she also didn’t offer to buy me a mixer. I bought my first KitchenAid mixer with the Bush tax incentive of 2008, I bought a mixer and got my passport. My first KitchenAid mixer was blue, because blue is my favorite color.
However, I love to shop as much as I love to bake and I love a good deal more than anything. So when I saw that Macy’s had the hot pink Breast Cancer KitchenAid mixer on sale over Veterans’ Day weekend 2011, I just couldn’t resist and I ordered it. I could afford it, after all I was working a lot of overtime at my job. So during a Saturday of overtime at work I was talking to my mom on the phone and I let her know I bought myself a Christmas gift, and my lame BS of a reason, her reaction was unexpected and priceless, and well pure mom.
As with all funny shitmymomsez I posted the conversation on Facebook to entertain my friends.

Post by Sarah Bramblette.
As seen in the comments there was more to the story, as my Mom mentioned she had tried to find my Aunt Kate’s tit. I found this disturbing because my Great Aunt Kate died when I was 10-years-old.
Me: Did she have two?
Mom: No, she only had one, that’s why she had the fake tit.
Me: I KNOW that, I mean did she have TWO FAKE TITS? If not, why the hell wasn’t it buried with her? Why would you have it? And why would you even consider finding it and using it?
Mom: I know I have it somewhere. But I’ll get my own tit after the first of the year when I have flexible spending again.
During the next few weeks, I was passed up for a promotion at my job and other some people online were on a witch hunt for information about me and I changed my Facebook name to Sarah Itchika, because my alter ego is named Bitchika. I also had ordered my boyfriend a pair of shoes from Zappos.com and as any good shopper does I checked for any discounts and I followed their page on Facebook. One day I saw Zappos post a 12 Days of KitchenAid giveaway. The post prompted page fans to enter the giveaway and to leave a comment about what they would do with the mixer if they won. So I entered the contest and quickly commented with a shortened version of conversation with my mom. I realize now I changed “tit” to “boob”. Boob…tit…toe-may-toe…toe-mah-toe. Right?
What happened next was truly a Christmas miracle. Strangers began commenting that they were going to enter the contest but after reading my story they wanted my mom and I to win instead. (the giveaway was random drawing not based on best story). Soon my comment had 200+ “likes” and 61 comments. I was moved by the outpouring of love and kindness from strangers on the internet, when often I experience the very opposite.

Post by Sarah Bramblette.
And then the ultimate THANK YOU BABY JESUS moment…I received a private message from Zappos stating they were so moved by my story that they wanted to send me and my mom a pink KitchenAid mixer. I laughed and cried. I cried because again I couldn’t believe all this was happening from just my simple post. And I laughed because, mom doesn’t bake! And I lived in Miami, Florida and she lived in Ohio. Oh yeah and I already owned two KitchenAid mixers!

Post by Sarah Bramblette.

Post by Zappos.com.
I moved back to Ohio in 2012, and safely delivered the mixer to my mom, as you can see in the picture on the left she used it as a table for her mail. It’s first use was to make her 66th birthday cake!

Filed Under: Blog Post Tagged With: boobs, breast cancer, humor, mom, pink kitchenaid mixer, Zappos

The Burger King Pie Guy Was Wrong

August 10, 2014 by Sarah Bramblette Leave a Comment

Last week a story hit the internet about a man who bought every last pie at Burger King in order to ruin the day of a mother and her unruly child who wanted “some f***ing pie.” Most readers cheered the man for what he did, and for some people who know me and think I’m a kid hater this might come as a surprise but I think the man is an asshole. There are doubts as to the authenticity of the story, which in my opinion only makes him an even bigger asshole for making up the story.

Why does this man’s bad day take priority over the mother and child’s bad day? What gives this man the right to ruin someone else’s day (a child’s at that) simply because he’s unable to cope with his own bad day? Kudos to the mother for being stronger, this man couldn’t manage what 5-10 minutes of the child behavior, the mother lives with it 24/7. How do we know if the child is a spoiled brat, or has special needs? Or is just having a bad day? Does it really matter? And dammit if a simple piece of pie would make him feel better or calm him down. And some ADULT decides to be an asshole and buy all the pie. As adults do we not seek things to soothe ourselves, a pint of ice cream, an alcoholic beverage? Or yes even some Burger King pie! I myself prefer the  Hershey Pie from Burger King even better if it’s still frozen.

If true, all this man did was teach this kid it’s ok to be an asshole when you’re having a bad day. Imagine if a little empathy was shown and instead of telling the mother to control her child he attempted to engage the child in conversation.

“I want some pie too, what is your favorite pie?”

“What game are you playing? Oh, yeah that’s a tough one for me too.”

Imagine actually buying the kid a piece of pie and making his day verses ruining it?

Or even simply ignoring it…why go out of his way, spend $35 to purposing ruin a child’s day?

Filed Under: Blog Post

Shine With Me at OAC’s YWM2014

July 25, 2014 by Sarah Bramblette 1 Comment

YWM2014

Come S.H.I.N.E. with me this September at the OAC’s 3rd Annual Your Weight Matters National Convention. This year I have the pleasure of being a topic leader for Lunch with the Experts. I will be leading the Saturday Lunch Topic – You are Your Best Advocate: Leading Your Healthcare Team. Last year I wrote my Top 5 Reasons Why YOU Should Attend OAC’s #YWM2013, and not that you need more convincing but I wanted to write about the 5 elements of this year’s theme SHINE.

Support – Obesity Action Coalition offers support to everyone, no matter where you are in your journey or which path you are choosing, even if you have yet to choose a path. My favorite part of the OAC Vision Statement “All individuals are treated with respect and without discrimination or bias regardless of their size or weight”

Health – Health is not measured by the number on the scale, health is a combination of factors and clinical indicators.  Also being healthy is not just physical health, but emotional and mental health. The YWM2014 will be the opportunity to focus or refocus on your overall journey to health.

Inspiration – Often we seek or find inspiration in others, at YWM2014 I challenge you to find inspiration within yourself and your story, where you have been and where you are going. Our stories our powerful, and together with our stories and experiences we can make a difference. I encourage you to attend one of the Advocacy Training sessions on Thursday to learn more about how you can assist OAC in their mission.

Networking – At YWM2014 you will meet many other individuals working towards the same goal as you, and you’ll also meet many professional dedicated to improving the quality of treatment and life for those affected by obesity.  And those connections will continue even after you return home, the connections you make will provide many new outlets of support and information.

Education – I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Sharma speak last year at the ObesityHelp Conference, his message and perspective is one that is needed among both patients and practitioners in regards to weight and obesity. My favorite topic Dr. Sharma spoke on was the meaning of failure and success.

Filed Under: Blog Post Tagged With: advocacy, conference speaker, conferences, oac, obesity, obesity action coalition, YWM2014

Baby Got Back – Anthem of Positive Body Image

June 7, 2014 by Sarah Bramblette 1 Comment

This weekend Sir Mix-a-Lot performed Baby Got Back with the Seattle Symphony. As I watched the video I saw the same thing occur that occurs every time the song plays…women race to the dance floor. I do the same, often Baby Got Back is the only song I’ve danced to at an event…as I consider it my theme song. I never miss the opportunity to shake my groove thing and I instantly recognize that introduction beat.

Watching the video above I realize how quickly women rushed on stage in front of a crowd of people to shake and celebrate their “big butts”….women of all shapes and sizes.  Is Baby Got Back an anthem for positive body image?

Filed Under: Blog Post Tagged With: big butts, body image, dancing, videos

TSA Precheck Might Reduce Fat Pat Downs

April 14, 2014 by Sarah Bramblette 7 Comments

On a recent trip I was randomly selected to use the TSA Precheck lane at the airport and it was WONDERFUL. I didn’t have to take off my shoes, or remove my laptop or liquids from my carry-on. But best of all there was no full body pat down of my fat.

Thankfully, I had already initiated my application to get a known traveler number so I will be able to use the Precheck lane for all my future travel. This specific airport I only had to go through the metal detector, I am not sure how the Precheck lanes are at other airports but my hope is Precheck will reduce the need for full body pat downs. I know I am not the only passenger of size who has been submitted to some overly intimate searches of my person, due to fat or excess skin.

“Ma’am I’m going to have to pat down your thighs.”

I once thought the worse part of flying was having to take my shoes off, then TSA began using the new body scanners and I was subjected to a full body pat down every time I passed through security. For some reason these high power technically advanced security scanners think  my fat is a possible threat to our national security? I actually do have more than 3 ounces of fluid in my legs, but it poses no elevated risk to anyone but me, as flying causes my legs to swell.

The pat down (more like quick strokes of the hands, but it is still touching) requires me to spread my legs enough so they can pat each thigh individually, front and back. They pat down both calves, and both arms. Occasionally, they pat down my chest. I come to expect it, and I step out of the scanner ready to comply. After all, the TSA agents are just doing their jobs. They have always been polite to me. I usually state that I have a medical condition that causes excess fluid in my limbs which is why the scanner alerted them to the areas, and on most occasions the agent has asked if her touching me hurts. It does not. Nor does it trigger any emotional effects. However, I completely understand that for many people such a search and pat down can create both physical and emotional pain.

So here is the chance to possibly reduce TSA pat downs, “possibly” because at any time a passenger can be subjected to additional screening by TSA. Also, as I mentioned I have so far only used the Precheck lane at one airport so I can not state with certainty that all use metal detectors verses body scanners. But I believe for now using the Precheck lane is the best hope we have to avoid a full body pat down of our fat and excess skin.

How can I access the TSA Precheck lane?

There are several ways to access TSA Precheck: randomly, via airline frequent flyer program, or having a known traveler number (KTN). The only way to guarantee use of the lane everytime you travel is having a known traveler number (KTN). In order to receive a KTN you must complete the application process for one of the Trusted Traveler Programs.

I applied for Global Entry ($100 fee)  because I have a passport and hope to fly internationally more in the future. If you do not have a passport and only fly within the US you can apply for the TSA Precheck ($85 fee). All Trusted Traveler Program memberships last five years.

I applied online for Global Entry in January. I had to provide typical background information, my citizenship information (Passport Number), and pay the $100 fee. Within 24 hours I received notification that I was approved for the program and that I needed to schedule an in person interview within 30 days. I had 30 days to schedule the interview, the actual dates available for interviews at my nearest Global Entry location were in April.

I had the interview a couple weeks ago. I simply had to show up at my scheduled time with my approval letter and passport. I was asked to confirm some questions from my online application, and asked a few additional question. My photo and fingerprints were taken. The interview took 15 minutes. Now all I have to do is make sure my KTN is listed on my airline reservations and I will be able to use the Precheck lane at the airport security check point for all my future travels.

I realize for some the fee and background check might not seem worth it to use a “fast lane”, but I also know for many of us who endure the full body pat downs, it is more than worth it, not to mention no longer having to take off our shoes!

Filed Under: Advocacy, Blog Post, Obesity Tagged With: airline security, airline travel, fat, flying tips, Global Entry, lipedema, lymphedema, obesity, passenger of size, security screening, travel, TSA pat down, TSA Precheck

Living Life 11 Years Post Weight Loss Surgery

April 7, 2014 by Sarah Bramblette 4 Comments

Today marks 11 years since my weight loss surgery, so of course that deserves a blog post. As most post-ops would I delved into my computer files to find a good “before and after” picture. Yet, I seem to have many after pictures, actually I have many before pictures as well. April 7, 2003 wasn’t the beginning of my journey, I had already began years earlier to improve my health, surgery was merely a step in what was and continues to be an incredible unpredictable journey.

In the past 11+ years my life has been filled with moments of great accomplishments and moments of even greater challenges. And I can honestly say I would not change one moment of my journey so far. I am healthier, wiser, happier, funnier (is that possible?), cuter and definitely stronger!

So as I’m scrolling through various pictures of me at different stages of my journey, highest weight, pre-op weight, pictures of my legs, lowest weight, pre reconstructive surgery, slight regain, a lot more regain.

Then it hit me. No, no, no. No before and after pictures!

First of all this is my LIFE, there is no before and after, it’s always in progress. I’m in the midst of completing a Masters in Health Law, I have two new articles about my Lipedema and Lymphedema Advocacy scheduled to be published in the upcoming months, and I have five conferences on my schedule for 2014.

Second, my entire message is that weight loss surgery success is not about weight, not about a number on the scale, not about how I looked then verses how I look now, it’s about health.

My journey is not about how I look, it is about how I’m living!

But Sarah according to the WLS rules you MUST post a picture on your surgiversary!

Fine! Here you go…a more realistic BEFORE….and to be continued…..

11years

Filed Under: Blog Post, Weight Loss Surgery Tagged With: health, post-op, rny, weight loss surgery

Why I Don’t Hate Myself For Being Fat

January 13, 2014 by Sarah Bramblette 6 Comments

mecollage

I grew up in America, in the society that hates fat people and yet I’ve never hated myself. I’m not sure how I missed the memo that I am suppose to dislike my body and myself for that matter not just because I am fat, but I gather because I am female. It seems most women, no matter the size, skin color, hair color, or education level have been taught to hate at least one thing about themselves. To feel they are lesser than others, and for that matter then engage in this competition to be “better” than those who all feel the same way?

Confused?

Yes, so am I.

I am more confused by how I was able to avoid this self hate, and perhaps if I knew I could help others avoid hating themselves. It’s enough having society hate me for being fat, and then hate me even MORE for speaking up for myself against the hate. How dare the fat chick talk back to us? Or how dare the fat chick be happy? That’s not right, fat people are suppose to be sad and depressed! Shame on her for accepting herself and enjoying her life, that kind of example will never convince people that they should not want to be fat!

I make no apologies for being who I am, and loving who I am. If you cannot handle my reality then look away, but do not try to convince me that I am in denial.

People hate me because they fear being fat. They fear that if they become fat then society will treat them the way I am treated, or worse how they treat fat people. I have found the same hate from people who were once fat and have lost weight, they fear regain, they fear feeling the way they once felt about themselves. Why is being fat such a bad thing?

As I say, “Fat describes me, it does not define me.” Fat described my physical appearance, I do not hide from the “f” word. Sugar coating it by saying “pleasantly plump”, “plus size”, “fluffy”, “juicy”, “heavy set”, “full figured”, really does nothing to change my reality. After all, a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.

I do not hate being fat because I base my self worth on more than my appearance.

I have always been fat, I will always be fat. When I made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery the surgeons estimated goal weight for me based on losing 50-70% of my excess weight was 220lbs. At 5’3″ and 220lbs I would have still been morbidly obese and qualified for weight loss surgery. Four years after surgery, and after my panniculectomy I did reach my lowest adult weight of 250lbs. I had lost half my body weight from 502lbs.

Wow, half my size and my life was PERFECT. No, actually my life then was not as full filling and exciting as my life is today writing this at 406lbs (my scale could actually register my weight this morning instead of OVRLD).

When I hit my “rock bottom” moment in April 2000, I knew I had to make a plan to change my life. I was morbidly obese, unemployed, and had not completed my college degree. While my weight definitely affected my life, it was not the source of all my life problems. Yes, part of the reason I had not completed my degree was because it was often difficult to walk to class, there were also many times I walked to the building and spent the night talking to my best friend in the computer lab instead of going to class. My problems were not due to my weight; my weight and my life problems were due to me not taking care of myself.

My plan was to get my life together, address my health, which included my weight, to finish my education, and overall be employable. At that point in time it did not include having a boyfriend or dating. Honestly, getting my own life back on track was enough work without involving someone else in the process.

I might have mentioned this before but patience is not a strength of mine. So instead of setting small attainable goals to reach in a realistic time frame I decided to jump in head first. I applied for graduate school and was accepted, this then prompted me to quickly complete my Bachelor degree. I also decided the weight loss I was achieving on my own was not going to be enough, nor quick enough, so I researched and decided to have weight loss surgery. Looking back the decision to address my health and pursue my education at the same time was not wise. This was the peak time of my lymphedema treatment and in addition to the appointments to have manual lymph drainage and compression wrapping on legs I was also often hospitalized for cellutitis and required IV antibiotics. Nothing says dedication like pulling over to the side of the road to self administer IV medication via mediport.  I had to take a quarter off classes, and in others I took “incomplete”. As I said, I took on too much for me and my learning style and personal discipline to manage. Honestly, managing to walk around a hilly campus with my legs wrapped was quite an accomplishment. I probably just needed more time, perhaps another year to complete my studies. But instead, impatience me jumped shipped after two years and got a job. I planned on finishing my “incompletes” via e-mail. The professors agreed to the arrangement. However, when shortly after starting my new job I had a whole new wave of medical issues hit, and my life took a huge turn which actually lead to my current career.

My new job involved relocating to Miami, Florida. Life was getting better, or so I thought. Four months after my move I was hospitalized for cellulitis and a deep vein thrombosis. A few months later I suffered a transient ischemic attack (TIA) also know as a mini-stroke. Further tests revealed I had a hole in my heart that had gone unnoticed since birth. I had was on the scariest health roll coaster ever, and the issues had nothing to due with my weight. Although I am thankful that by this time I had my health on track or the stroke could have been worse.

In my journey, the weight I lost was not nearly as important as the strength I found in myself.

After a year of seeing numerous specialists and opting to have the hole in my heart closed, I then proceeded to have reconstructive surgeries to have excess skin removed. I also had to have a hernia repaired twice. The medical roller coaster involved more than just hospital and doctors it include learning to deal with insurance companies. I learned a lot, I had to fight a lot for coverage. I appealed and won on many occasions. It was a process I understood, I process others did not and I found myself helping friends and co-workers when they had insurance issues. I then decided to change careers and returned to college to get a degree in Health Services Administration. Graduation was timed quite well, just one month before my position at my job was eliminated and I was laid off.

It took me a year to find a new job, but I survived being unemployed. I learned to cut back on household expenses like cable. I sold items I no longer needed. I was resourceful, a problem solver, I focused on the positive:  I got to sleep in for an entire year! All jokes aside, the new job was not as expected. I experienced weight and disability bias and was not being judged on my appearance instead of my skills and abilities. If you have read this far you will understand why I was not going to accept that type of treatment. I had not worked as hard as I did to improve my life situation to be judged on my appearance. I did not base my worth on my appearance and I was not going to accept others doing so. Of course the more I stood up for myself against the bias, the more attempts were made to knock me down. Having had successfully survived unemployment in the past I was not scared of what the outcome was going to be, I was not going to waiver on standing up for myself. That job ended as expected.

While all this was going on in my life, my weight was also increasing. I even had a revision to my RNY in September 2010, and still my weight is back up to 400lbs. I can debate the reasons, I can defend my habits, I can point to Lipedema and the still many unknowns about the condition.

I choose to accept it, no I’m not “giving up”…I am, as I always have, accepting myself.

Just as being fat was not the source of my life problems over a decade ago, regaining weight does not take away or diminish all that I have accomplished and challenges I have overcome.

I still have my education, I still have my resilience, my survival skills. I have a new sense of adventure. I have a new sense of purpose. I have someone very special in my life who supports, encourages and accepts me…he’s also very handsome and makes me laugh…oh and gives good back rubs.

A change in weight does not change all the good that I have in my life.

I still have fat arms, a big butt, and huge legs. However, I also still have a beautiful smile, cute dimples and an awesome personality. Those attributes cannot be measured on scale, and if they could that scale would most likely read “OVRLD” just like my regular scale.

Why don’t I hate being fat? Because I don’t hate myself, I never have and I never will.

Filed Under: Blog Post, Weight Loss Surgery Tagged With: bbw, beauty, body image, body postive, lipedema, lymphedema, morbid obesity, obesity, self acceptance, self confidence, self esteem, self hate, weight bias, weight loss surgery

2013 My Year in Review

December 31, 2013 by Sarah Bramblette 4 Comments

Explored New Places

snow

Validation

humana

Speaking of dreams…. I decided to pursue mine and took a leap.

Went back to school to pursue a Masters in Health Law.

medicare

 

And restarted this blog to share my story…and share I did….

My story in OAC Your Weight Matters Magazine.

ywm-spring1

My story featured on ObesityHelp.com.

ohblog3

 

My story featured in Psychology Today.

psychtoday

Advocating for the Treat and Reduce Obesity Act and The Lymphedema Treatment Act.

Rep. Brad Wenstrup

Rep. Brad Wenstrup

Nominated for my advocacy efforts.

wego

Had some fun along the way….

DSC00065

Made new friends…

oac2

Recycled the tutu!

fairy

 

Overall 2013 was a great year, one of transitioning towards a life of living my passion…I haven’t figured out exactly where I’m going but I’m enjoying the journey….and my plan for 2014….

calm

Filed Under: Blog Post, Living with Lipedema & Lymphedema Tagged With: advocacy, lipedema, lymphedema, obesity action coalition, obesityhelp, Psychology Today

An Angel’s Last Christmas

December 23, 2013 by Sarah Bramblette 2 Comments

mecheryl

My sister, Cheryl, was the person I wanted to emulate. She was the middle child, and I the youngest of five. She was beautiful, intelligent, and kind. She taught me how to fix my hair, put on make-up and she had great sense of fashion, even if I was too big to wear her clothes I still took note of what was “in style”. I still want to be like her when I grow up.

mecheryl2

In 1989, during her junior year of high school, Cheryl was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia. None of us siblings were bone marrow matches so for several years her doctors tried various treatments, none of which worked. Finally, it was decided Cheryl would undergo a bone marrow transplant from an unrelated donor.

It was Christmas 1991, and the transplant was scheduled to take place sometime in early 1992. That year Cheryl made angel ornaments for our entire Christmas tree and made us each a handmade gift also. I am sure she had the realization that it was possibly going to be her last Christmas, and sadly it was. Cheryl passed away in June 1992, just a couple months after her bone marrow transplant.

angel

I wanted to write this blog entry because my sister influenced me in many ways beyond hair and make-up, I saw her fight for her life; she never let her disease keep her from living. She was still Captain of the Flag Corp her senior year, was in the school musical, and attended prom. She enrolled in college and majored in Elementary Education despite some people discouraging that career because she should not be around kids who often pass germs around to others. She balanced college with twice weekly trips to Cincinnati for blood transfusions. She stayed positive through years of treatment, despite the reality of her disease.

It may have been her last Christmas on earth, but I know Cheryl is an angel in heaven watching down on me every day. Through all my medical challenges, procedures and surgeries I knew she was there to protect me and give me the strength I needed.

Christmas is not about finding the perfect gift, having the perfect tree, or baking the perfect cookies, it’s about being with family and friends. I have to admit my fondest Christmas memories are of those times when something unexpected happened. Today our family looks back and jokes about “Mom’s mashed potato rant”, the “best sweet potatoes ever” and the “very silent dinner”.

This year find joy in whatever your situation, I realize for some it may be difficult, but it will be worth it. Reach out to someone who you have not spoken to, a phone call an e-mail, even a Facebook post.

We do not know what the next year has in store for us….live your life accordingly.

Filed Under: Blog Post Tagged With: aplastic anemia, Christmas, family

Bias Among Us – Good Intentions Gone Bad

December 4, 2013 by Sarah Bramblette 17 Comments

image

Part Two of my The Bias Among Us series, read Part One The Bias Among Us – Success?

I have always received the majority of my post-op weight loss surgery (WLS) support online. I initially met most of my WLS friends on ObesityHelp, then had the pleasure of meeting them in person at ObesityHelp events. I have attended eight ObesityHelp events and two Obesity Action Coalition events. Most event attendees will tell you that one of the BEST parts of events is meeting other people and socializing. I know that even after 10 years in the community I enjoy events for the opportunity to catch up with old friend and to meet new friends. However, recently there has been some very disturbing incidents  that have happened to me, and other long term post-ops that need to be discussed. Not much bothers me in life, but this is one of them, mostly because it totally zaps my mood, in the midst of enjoying life, socializing with others who “understand” the struggle of living with obesity I am reminded that some people still see me as just FAT, people who cannot see past my FAT to get to know the REAL me, to ask about my REAL journey, yet these same people claim to be “helpers”.

Last year at the inaugural OAC Your Weight Matters convention in Dallas, I meet many new friends. *wave* On the very first day of the conference a group of us were sitting in the lobby talking about our lives, not weight loss surgery, not weight…actually I have a very good memory, I was talking to another Sarah (spelled correctly with the H) about my job as she also worked in healthcare and was familiar with a company with whom I had just received a recruitment call. Suddenly, there was an interruption to my left, it was someone to whom I had never met asking me if I was pre-op and considering weight loss surgery, she came equipped with a pamphlet all about herself and her journey. She continued to tell me all about her weight loss, and how many support groups she speaks to about her journey. It was her sales pitch. Sorry I’m not pre-op, I”m actually many years post-op, yes I’ve regained. Yes, I know that despite having RNY and a revision I am still morbidly obese and qualify for surgery. I whip out my phone show my before picture, then quickly explain Lipedema and show my legs pictures and hope that’s enough to convey that I’m not buying what she was selling. And it was obviously enough because the person never interacted with me again the entire weekend. To me that showed her REAL intention was self promotion, not meeting me or getting to know me. If she really cared to know me, or the others sitting there, she would have engaged in the conversation, not interrupted then leave as soon as her sales pitch failed. This was further confirmed at the recent ObesityHelp Conference in Anaheim when the same person did not make any effort to engage in conversation with me, even after I reintroduced myself.

At the end of the very same conference it happened again. After walking my lap at the Walk from Obesity I went inside to warm up, Dallas was FREEZING that morning. So there I sit in my tutu and tiara and I’m approached by a fellow WLS patient and asked if I’m considering surgery, or am pre-op. Honestly, I don’t remember this conversation as much because I instantly started fiddling with my phone to pull up pictures. Why should I have to do this? I guess I don’t, I guess I could just be as rude as these people are and say something back to them verses explaining that yes I once weighed over 500lbs, see I used to be REALLY fat, now I’m just FAT FAT. I prefer the educational route, and at least this person was not trying to “sell” anything to me, they appeared to be genuinely concerned and/or interested in me and appreciated that I educated them about lipedema and lymphedema.

It is also troubling because the OAC Your Weight Matters Convention is NOT a weight loss surgery focused event, it is educational about healthy weight loss options, and advocacy for obesity. One of my favorite parts about the OAC is the work to make sure individuals have access to weight loss options “when they are ready.” During the weekend I met many professionals in the weight loss field, and not one of them approached me me to discuss my weight, so neither should regular attendees.

But Sarah, that was LAST year, get over it already, you’re too sensitive, these people are just trying to HELP.

No, actually some people are trying to get paid. I was recently scolded for speaking up against a comment I believed was stigmatizing against FAT people. I was told the person’s intentions were to help people, she has “found health” and just wants to pay it forward. Least we forget where we came from? I remember it fondly because I am almost back to where I started. Again the person trying to “help” also has a business marketed to post-op WLS patients, so let’s not confuse paying it forward to getting paid. I too have “found health”, my health might LOOK different than others’s perception of health, but I am healthy and I too help others. I have actually helped others for years to navigate the insurance process in order to get weight loss surgery and post-op plastic surgery covered. There is no weight or size requirement to help others, nor does losing 100lbs automatically qualify as a profession.

There is no weight or size requirement to help others, nor does losing 100lbs automatically qualify as a profession.

That recent experience is only one of the reasons I chose to finally write about this topic. Sadly, I have heard of several other incidents like the ones I experienced in Dallas, at other WLS events. Stories of long term post-ops or mid-journey post-ops being approached by fellow WLS patients and questioned as to why they have yet to reach “goal” weight (which who knows what someone else’s GOAL weight is????) or why the person hasn’t addressed their regain. Of course the person was ready to “help”, here just sign up for my program.

I have invited many long term post op friends to events in their areas only to be told “Oh, I’d LOVE to go, but I can’t, I’ve regained so much I’d be too embarrassed.”  Regain happens, it is more common that most think or want to accept. Regain is also the very reason to attend an event. Events can provide education, rejuvenation, and motivation. However, all that can be diminished by a well intentioned person speaking inappropriately to someone about their weight. While I am strong and will just speak up about it and blog about it, it could and does really upset others.

I’m sure many of you reading this will be able to guess who these people are, I am sure their intention are to help as I am sure there are people who would benefit from the type of helpful services they offer. I am just not one of those people, and I feel obligated to point out the approach is inappropriate. If you want to help people do not shame them, also do not dismiss ME as a fellow WLS patient just because I am not a pre-op or in need of your services. You’re missing out on a potential awesome, cool, and funny friend. Most people who take the time to get to know the REAL me would agree, if not I’ll just delete their comments.

On the serious note, this is me being helpful. There is nothing wrong with wanting to help others, or starting a business to do so, however if you are going to enter into “people helping” career, you need to work on people skills. As I stated before, I dislike being approached by strangers about my weight. However, being approached by fellow WLS patients is even more upsetting.

  • The WLS community is supposed to be one of support where people “understand” what it’s like to be obese. If you know what is it’s like or remember what it was like you know how mortifying it would have been to be approached about your weight. Also, in the WLS community you do not know if the person is pre-op, newly post-op, started at 500lbs and has lost 200, etc. We all come in so many shapes and sizes you cannot tell where we are in the journey by looking at us.
  • Get to know the person. How can you help someone if you do not know them, know their story, where they are on their journey, their struggles? That is the question to ask “Where are you on your journey?” I was recently asked this by a vendor at an event and it was the perfect way to find out how their product might be useful to me without them making an assumption about me based on my appearance.

This year at the OAC Convention in Phoenix I once again met many many news friends. Several who do have businesses or are speakers in the community, but that was not their “pick-up” line, we actually had conversations about ourselves, our lives….the real roots of a support community.

Filed Under: Blog Post, Weight Loss Surgery Tagged With: advocacy, discrimination, fat, gastric bypass, lipedema, lymphedema, morbid obesity, obesity action coalition, obesityhelp, rny, weight bias, weight loss surgery, wls

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