Born2lbfat

My life with Lipedema & Lymphedema...destined to be fat.

Kelly Osbourne Fashion Police Double Standard

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I’m confused, or rather disappointed, by the Kelly Osbourne Fashion Police departure. Perhaps Kelly is using this controversy as a way to exit the show that she already wanted to leave, I hope that is the case, otherwise there is a clear double standard.

In case you missed the news, Kelly announced she is leaving the show after the controversy over co-panelist’s Giuliana Rancic’s Oscar night comments about Zendaya Coleman’s hair. Quick recap, Coleman debuted her new dreadlocks on the Oscar Red Carpet, and Rancic said the Coleman looked like she smelled of “patchouli or weed”.

Rancic was quickly taken to task for her comments, for which she issued an apology to Coleman.

Coleman issued her own response to Rancic on Instagram.

So here is where I get confused…

For years Fashion Police founder and star, Joan Rivers, made inappropriate and disparaging comments about people’s weight. Specifically she made cruel comments about Adele, and when asked to apologize Rivers flatly refused saying Adele “should just calm down, or lose weight” because it’s humor. As someone who spoke up against Rivers comments, I was told I just needed to lighten up, after all that is River’s “style of comedy”.

Same situation occurred when Charles Barkley made fat shaming comments about the women of San Antonio He flat out refused to even apologize for offending people, and defended his comment as comedy, part of the nature of his show. This all took place during the time when Clippers owner, Donald Stirling, was removed for his racist comments.

Disparaging comments about race result in public outcries for people to apology and/or lose their jobs, while comments about weight are defended as entertainment?

Here are my two favorite points from Giulianna’s apology:

“I just want everyone to know that I didn’t intend to hurt anybody. But I’ve learned it is not my intent that matters; it’s the result. And the result is that people are offended, including Zendaya. That is not OK.

This really has been a learning experience for me — I’ve learned a lot today — and this incident has taught me to be a lot more aware of cliches and stereotypes, how much damage they can do, and that I am responsible, as we all are, to not perpetuate them further.” – Giuliana Rancic

Individuals affected by obesity, such as myself, are often judged based on stereotypes perpetuated in society. Jokes like those made by Rivers and Barkley only perpetuate stereotypes and assumptions like obesity is due to poor lifestyle choices, or that people affected by obesity are lesser or not worthy as their normal weight counterparts. Weight bias and stigma is not a joke, it’s not funny. It is harmful, especially in the workplace and healthcare.

Sure the intention might be one of entertainment, but when it is pointed out that those comments can be harmful, instead of issuing an apology these stars just issue even more hateful comments. And it’s accepted.

Giuliana issues an apology and yet there are still calls for her to be fired, and a co-host leaves the show? Kelly, of all people should see what a double standard this is, she has been harshly criticized for her weight, in 2010 Osbourne told US Weekly, “I took more hell for being fat than I did for being an absolute raging drug addict. I will never understand that.”

I’ll never understand how Kelly had such as close relationship with Joan, and never threatened to leave the show over Joan’s fat shaming comments or refusal to apologize, yet Giuliana’s apology is not enough?

Photo Credit: Eva Rinaldi cc

How I #LiveBold To Fight Weight Stigma

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I entered the HealthCentral #LiveBold anti-stigma photo contest.

(voting is open until August 8th! Click on the link and VOTE for me, vote daily!)

I share my story of how I #LiveBold with Lipedema and Lymphedema and overcome weight stigma.

Picture of me in the pool

The story behind this photo fits well into the anti-stigma theme, because I experienced weight stigma just before it was taken. The photo was taken during a trip to the gym to get pictures of me doing various water exercises for my FitBloggin’ Ignite Fitness presentation. As soon as I stepped into the pool this woman motioned to me and began talking to me in Spanish, I thought perhaps she recognized me from water aerobics class but when she realized I did not speak Spanish she quickly switched to English and her intentions were made clear.

“My daughter is as big as you are and she goes to this clinic and has lost fifty pounds. They don’t make her workout, they just speed up her heart to help her lose weight.”

Well that sounds safe…
Why the hell would you tell someone EXERCISING AT THE GYM about a clinic where they don’t make you exercise?
Wait…why the HELL would you approach a stranger about their weight…at the gym no less?
 

I’m not sure why I try to be nice in response to people who are so rude to me, but I tried to explain that I have Lipedema and Lymphedema and that I have a great medical team that monitors my overall health. No, she still continued. I explained that I no longer live in the area, that I was just visiting so going to a local clinic was not even an option for me. No, she still kept talking about it….I finally just walked away and continued my exercises and photo shoot.

She caught me again at the other end of the pool, she obviously noticed I was annoyed by the conversation so she attempted to suck up.

“You’re very beautiful and have a nice shape.”

Seriously? Yes, I know.

I know that I am fat AND that I am beautiful. I don’t need to be informed of either by a stranger.

I said “thank you”, but that’s not a compliment when it comes AFTER fat shaming. Her initial reaction to seeing me was to approach me about my weight, only after she saw that I was pissed off did she compliment me.

Back to the picture, my boyfriend said he wanted to get a creative picture half in and half out of the water. Upon reviewing the pictures I gave a sarcastic “thanks babe”. I joked about how “objects under the water may appear larger than actual size”, and I soon realized how very powerful the photo was and how it really captured the moment and my story. There is more to me and my story than what appears on the surface. The people who take the time to see past my surface appearance get the benefit of knowing me and my story, and in exchange I get to know them and their story.

We all have a story.

How do you #LiveBold? Share YOUR story of how you #LiveBold despite a health condition.

The Bias Among Us – Success?

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This blog topic is LONG overdue, and actually I have so much to say on the topic I feel the need to make it a series of posts. A couple months  ago I wrote about the fat shaming I’ve experienced from strangers, however even more troubling is the weight bias I have experienced within the weight loss surgery community. Let me reiterate I’m not calling any person biased, I’m labeling the actions and comments as biased. I know intentions are often to “help others” but as the person on the receiving end of the comments and actions, I feel it’s my duty to let you know they hurt far more often than help.

The picture of SUCCESS!

redcarpet

Last month I attended the ObesityHelp #OH2013 Conference in Anaheim, CA, I was a member of the event staff and as so I posted this picture to the ObesityHelp Facebook wall in order to promote the evening’s event. Under the picture I posted “Sarahlicious is warming up the Red Carpet! Are you ready to celebrate your success?” The theme of that evening’s party was “Celebrate Your Success”, I never actually called myself a success, I asked if others were ready to celebrate THEIR SUCCESS. A fellow WLS (weight loss surgery) patient commented on my picture with “success????????????????????????”.

This picture represents MY SUCCESS in several ways. “What? How? You’re still fat????”

  • I am a success because I am alive after surviving a deep vein thrombosis, mini-stroke, and patent foraman ovale (hole in my heart).
  • I am a success because I have maintained 100lbs weight loss for 10 years, was it more, sure…did I regain, yes! But 100lbs loss is still a success in my book!
  • I am a success because I have completed two bachelor degrees and I’m pursing my Masters in Health Law.
  • I am a success because I no longer have sleep apnea or high blood pressure, all other health vital are and have been normal.
  • I am a success because I love myself, and others love me for who I am.
  • I am a success because I share my story to advocate for and help others.
  • I am a success because I stand up against weight stigma and bias.
  • I am a success because I am winning the battle against disfiguring lymphedema and lipedema.

Success is a personal accomplishment, and since pictures are more powerful than words…

legsbefore

legsafter

However, I should not have to list my accomplishments or pull out my phone to show others pictures to PROVE I am a success. As a community we need to stop judging ourselves and others based on the scale. We need to stop judging, PERIOD.

 

Kids do not need a letter to know they are fat on Halloween

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fat letter

There is a woman in North Dakota who feels it’s her duty to save obese children from themselves this Halloween. She has decided to hand out “fat letters” to children to whom she deems are obese while giving candy to the other kids. I am left to wonder if she is doing any diabetes or dental checks on the normal sized kids. After all, the reality is that candy is not “good” for anyone.

But it’s Halloween, it’s the time of year kids to get to dress up as their favorite character and go walk about the neighborhood with their friends. That is unless you are the FAT kid. Then finding a costume, especially of a favorite character, is most likely not going to happen. Definitely, NOT going to fit into a store bought costume. So maybe you’re creative and have the means to create an awesome DIY costume, which I was THAT fat kid a few times. Yes, I wanted to be an alarm clock! What kid doesn’t want to be an alarm clock? No, I wouldn’t have rather been Rainbow Brite or Jem. (of course I would have) But my sister and I were GENIUS and cut out a round piece of cardboard, put some numbers on it, and tethered it around my neck.  I was an alarm clock! Let’s go get some candy!

Trick or Treating was by far the most intense workout I got as a kid. I walked to school every day, but that roundtrip was nothing compared to the Trick or Treat challenge, cover the neighborhood in 1.5 hours. Yes, where I grew up Trick or Treat was scheduled. My friend’s mom led a small group of us around and kept us on task. We only went to houses where people were outside on their porches (wasted no time knocking on doors), we zigzagged across the street, then circled around to the next block. I really should stop and calculate the number of blocks we covered. The entire time it was “go, go, go”, we walked up steps, and up hills. And trust me, every huff n puff moment as trudged along as a clock I knew I was FAT. I didn’t need any well meaning neighbor giving me letter of notification!

But like most other things in my life, I wasn’t going to let my weight stop me from participating. I was not going to let being FAT keep me from enjoying the night out with my friends, trying to accomplish our mission of getting to every house on our route in the allotted time. Honestly, Halloween was NEVER about the candy. There was candy at home, the GOOD candy that my mom bought to pass out for Trick or Treat. If all I wanted was to stuff my face with candy, I could have sat at home and just ate what I wanted. No, Halloween like other holidays is about the experience.

Honey Boo Boo

The experience is same the reason I am excited about participating in Halloween as an adult. As a fat adult the costumes can still be a challenge, but my creativity and DIY abilities have served me well. Yes, I wanted to be Honey Boo Boo…I actually WON a costume contest as Honey Boo Boo! As for Trick or Treat, this year will be the first time in many years I will actually be at home, and live in a neighborhood where there will be Trick or Treaters. I do not have kids and I do not know many of my neighbors. I could easily turn off my porch light and stay inside.  Instead I am excited that I can participate in Halloween, and I ordered toys to pass out.  No candy. I admit I fear being seen as the “fat lady” handing out candy. I also know taste vary so much I could never possibly please all the kids with my choices. Then there are kids with food allergies.  Choking hazards, we used to buy safety suckers to give the toddlers. Also, I just LOVE toys, and I picked out some really awesome toys. I also asked my parent friends on Facebook if they would be upset if their child was given a noise maker? As you can already read I’m putting way too much thought and effort into this….just buy some candy already.

IMG_1421

Perhaps I’m too considerate of other people; perhaps the woman in ND should take a lesson from me. If her concern is really for the well-being of children then there are many better options she could do instead of fat shaming kids. How does a letter telling a parent their kid is fat help reduce childhood obesity? Yet she is STILL handing out candy to other kids, does their health not matter? Also health is not just physical, it is emotional too. Fat shaming kids on a day that is supposed to be FUN, is just mean and will hurt kids not help them. She could donate money to help local parks and recreation center, volunteer for local Halloween carnivals, or organize a Halloween themed fun run/walk for her community.

 

Tips for Effective Fat Shaming

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shame

Before we begin today’s lesson, I feel compelled to point out that a recent study indicates that fat shaming is actually NOT effective in motivating people to lose weight.  That, in fact, shaming has the opposite effect. However, some people are set in their ways and cannot resist the urge to prophesize their knowledge to others who are “worse off”. So before you embark on such divine matters of “health”, please consider the following tips:

1. Extinguish your cigarette – Nothing is more annoying than having someone fat shame you while blowing smoke in your face. So please do not approach me about my weight, and how you can help me “get healthier” while smoking. Yes, it’s happened to me. My boyfriend and I were at the beach, enjoying a cool evening watching the waves and the people roll by on bikes and skates, when I was approached by a woman smoking.  At first I thought she was going to ask for money, so I clutched my purse closer to me. Instead she tells me how she has just finished her personal training courses and wanted to know if I would like to work out with her, she could “help” me lose weight. She “understood” how threatening the gym might be to large women, she’d make me comfortable with exercise.

Without missing a beat I reply “I’m not sure how much I’d trust health advice from someone who smokes.”

“Oh, I know, I’m trying to quit” she says as she quickly tries to extinguish her cigarette.

It’s not that her knowledge is invalid because she smokes, it’s the fact that she approached a stranger about their weight, assumed I did not already exercise, which I did and did so letting her own poor habits show.

2. Step away from the bar – Ok, in his defense he was stepping away from the bar, well stumbling away. A co-worker and I were having dinner at a steakhouse when this drunk man stumbled up to our table and muttered “You’re probably going to tell me to f*** off, but I just HAVE to tell you…PLEASE STOP EATING, you are killing yourselves. I work at a hospital and I see people like you die every day”.

He did in fact work at a hospital, or at least he was wearing a polo shirt with his name and the name of a local hospital.

My co-worker was stunned and horrified. I was ME, and replied “YES, I am going to tell you to F***OFF, you do not know us or the fact I’ve lost over 100lbs already.”

Fellow restaurant patrons were also horrified by his behavior and quickly approached him and escorted him outside. Then the manager came to the table and apologized for the man (who was a regular bar patron) and comp’d our meals. Ironic.

3. Do not interrupt my workout – Of course someone working out at the gym must be in need of unsolicited advice about how to lose weight. Right? But some people are just overly persistent or working for referral money. Either way it is annoying. As Susan Powers would say “Stop the INSANITY!” There I am, at the gym, ear buds in listening to Destiny Child’s “I’m a Survivor”, when I notice this woman waving at me. I did not recognize her as someone I know, but I take off my ear buds and say “hello”.

She steps closer, “Hi, are you considering weight loss surgery, or have you recently had it?”

SERIOUSLY?  I reply, “I’ve already had weight loss surgery.”

“When?”

“2003, I used to weigh more than 500lbs, I have Lymphedema”…trying to think what else can I say to get her to let me get back to Beyonce, Kelly and umm (oh hell anyone remember the 3rd chick from Destiny’s Child?) Michelle! Thanks Google.

She replies, “Oh I work for a doctor, have you considered revision as an option?”

I tell her that I am very involved in the WLS Community and I am well aware of the options available.  I’m too nice, I should have told her how inappropriate her approach and conversation were, despite intentions do not approach strangers about their weight.

She of course was a WLS herself, something about having WLS or losing a massive amount of weight through whatever programs makes you a SAVIOR. I must not have said enough Hail Mary’s because I never got my wing and halo. Well I got my batwings, but not my angelic wings and official orders to go out and SAVE people.

I understand the urge, really I do, I have the same feeling when I see someone I believe is suffering with Lymphedema in their legs, and having gone undiagnosed for so many years I have good instinct to think they too might be undiagnosed.

However, I’m quite sure no one is unaware they are fat? If they are unaware, that is a conversation for a family member, close friend, or doctor to have with them regarding their health. It’s not for a stranger to initiate.

If you are concerned about the health of a friend or family member here is an article about how to approach that conversation.