Born2lbfat

My life with Lipedema & Lymphedema...destined to be fat.

Kids do not need a letter to know they are fat on Halloween

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fat letter

There is a woman in North Dakota who feels it’s her duty to save obese children from themselves this Halloween. She has decided to hand out “fat letters” to children to whom she deems are obese while giving candy to the other kids. I am left to wonder if she is doing any diabetes or dental checks on the normal sized kids. After all, the reality is that candy is not “good” for anyone.

But it’s Halloween, it’s the time of year kids to get to dress up as their favorite character and go walk about the neighborhood with their friends. That is unless you are the FAT kid. Then finding a costume, especially of a favorite character, is most likely not going to happen. Definitely, NOT going to fit into a store bought costume. So maybe you’re creative and have the means to create an awesome DIY costume, which I was THAT fat kid a few times. Yes, I wanted to be an alarm clock! What kid doesn’t want to be an alarm clock? No, I wouldn’t have rather been Rainbow Brite or Jem. (of course I would have) But my sister and I were GENIUS and cut out a round piece of cardboard, put some numbers on it, and tethered it around my neck.  I was an alarm clock! Let’s go get some candy!

Trick or Treating was by far the most intense workout I got as a kid. I walked to school every day, but that roundtrip was nothing compared to the Trick or Treat challenge, cover the neighborhood in 1.5 hours. Yes, where I grew up Trick or Treat was scheduled. My friend’s mom led a small group of us around and kept us on task. We only went to houses where people were outside on their porches (wasted no time knocking on doors), we zigzagged across the street, then circled around to the next block. I really should stop and calculate the number of blocks we covered. The entire time it was “go, go, go”, we walked up steps, and up hills. And trust me, every huff n puff moment as trudged along as a clock I knew I was FAT. I didn’t need any well meaning neighbor giving me letter of notification!

But like most other things in my life, I wasn’t going to let my weight stop me from participating. I was not going to let being FAT keep me from enjoying the night out with my friends, trying to accomplish our mission of getting to every house on our route in the allotted time. Honestly, Halloween was NEVER about the candy. There was candy at home, the GOOD candy that my mom bought to pass out for Trick or Treat. If all I wanted was to stuff my face with candy, I could have sat at home and just ate what I wanted. No, Halloween like other holidays is about the experience.

Honey Boo Boo

The experience is same the reason I am excited about participating in Halloween as an adult. As a fat adult the costumes can still be a challenge, but my creativity and DIY abilities have served me well. Yes, I wanted to be Honey Boo Boo…I actually WON a costume contest as Honey Boo Boo! As for Trick or Treat, this year will be the first time in many years I will actually be at home, and live in a neighborhood where there will be Trick or Treaters. I do not have kids and I do not know many of my neighbors. I could easily turn off my porch light and stay inside.  Instead I am excited that I can participate in Halloween, and I ordered toys to pass out.  No candy. I admit I fear being seen as the “fat lady” handing out candy. I also know taste vary so much I could never possibly please all the kids with my choices. Then there are kids with food allergies.  Choking hazards, we used to buy safety suckers to give the toddlers. Also, I just LOVE toys, and I picked out some really awesome toys. I also asked my parent friends on Facebook if they would be upset if their child was given a noise maker? As you can already read I’m putting way too much thought and effort into this….just buy some candy already.

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Perhaps I’m too considerate of other people; perhaps the woman in ND should take a lesson from me. If her concern is really for the well-being of children then there are many better options she could do instead of fat shaming kids. How does a letter telling a parent their kid is fat help reduce childhood obesity? Yet she is STILL handing out candy to other kids, does their health not matter? Also health is not just physical, it is emotional too. Fat shaming kids on a day that is supposed to be FUN, is just mean and will hurt kids not help them. She could donate money to help local parks and recreation center, volunteer for local Halloween carnivals, or organize a Halloween themed fun run/walk for her community.

 

How does my garden grow?

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WINONA GIANT STRAWBERRIES

WINONA GIANT STRAWBERRIES

I am testing out my green thumb. Having lived in Miami the past 8 years, and always lived in an apartment I never attempted to grow my own garden. Now that I live in a more garden friendly climate and own a house I thought I would give it a try. I am starting out small since I am not sure of my cultivating skills.

TRIPLE CROWN THORNLESS BLACKBERRY

TRIPLE CROWN THORNLESS BLACKBERRY

I have a big backyard (yes both my backyards are big), but my attempt to find a good spot for a garden and trying to dig ended with seeing a snake or large lizard so I opted to use containers. I chose blackberries because growing up I know there were blackberry bushes growing in our alley way that had no care whatsoever, so I thought my chances with them were good. The strawberry plant is a complete experiment. The fact that both the strawberry and blackberry plants survived two weeks wrapped in my garage is my first victory of the season. They arrived before I was prepared to plant, I promptly went to the store to purchase containers and soil. I wrestled a giant bag of garden soil into the cart, then I fought to flip it into my trunk without tearing it open and spilling soil every where. Woohoo success it’s in the trunk! Then I see on the back of the bag a huge symbol that says “NOT FOR CONTAINERS” What? Did the cashier not see the containers I was buying? Oh well it wasn’t a garden center. So the planting was postponed until I bought the proper potting soil.

garden2

My second success so far is starting my cucumber plants from seeds! I have  NEVER started plants from seeds and was worried because I do not have many sunlight areas inside my house. I put them in the breezeway, but was then concerned the overnight temperature might be too cool. At first, not all the seeds sprouted, but I wasn’t worried because I did not think I needed 32 cucumber plants. So far they are doing great, the next challenge will be to transplant them outside.

CUCUMBERS

CUCUMBERS

Finally, I am awaiting the arrival of my tomato plants. Nothing says summer like fresh garden tomatoes. I have ordered Heirloom and Mortgage Lifters. I will also plant those in containers.

  • Are you planting a garden this summer?
  • What are your favorite plants to grow?
  • What are your favorite recipes to use your garden goodies?
  • Any advice for my first garden?

My plants and seeds were purchased from Gurney’s.

Fat patients and Fat doctors: Impact of Weight Bias in Healthcare

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From New York Times The Well Column

From New York Times The Well Column

The Well Column, the New York Times wellness blog, has posted two articles this week about weight bias and stigma in healthcare. The first, reference a  study that indicated physicians are nicer to non-obese patients. This is significant because  physicians then foster better relationship with their normal weight patients, often leaving obese patients to not engaged in their care and less likely to follow doctor’s orders. Read the full article: Overweight Patients Face Bias

I have experience weight bias from medical professionals many times, the most frustrating is providers not having a scale to accurately weigh obese patients or blood pressure cuffs to fit my arms. Weight and blood pressure are too very important vital signs and the equipment for both would not be a financial burden to the office. I have a home scale that has a 440lbs capacity, why can’t they afford one? Then of course the scary weeble wooble exam tables. YIKES. Hospital gowns. I’ve twice not been able to have a medical test performed because the equipment could not hold someone over 300lbs.

Then there is the direct from the physician bias, my diagnosis of lymphedema was delayed nearly two years because my doctor blamed the size of my legs on my weight. After that experience I began to advocate for myself, I didn’t accept a doctor blaming my weight, I didn’t allow them to deflect the real issue at hand to my size and appearance. One of my favorite incidents, yes odd that I say favorite as it wasn’t so positive at the time I was in a lot of pain, it was when I had been admitted to the hospital for cellulitis in my legs. This was not the first time I was hospitalized for IV antibiotics to treat my cellulitis. I had reached the point of packing a bag and taking my own pillow to the ER because I knew I would be admitted for several days of treatment. This time I had gone to the ER at night, was admitted but the next morning was still waiting  for the hospital doctor to examine me before any antibiotics were ordered.

So the young doctor comes into my hospital room and starts asking me questions. As he is going over my medication list he asks, “So you’re on depo provera?”

I reply, “yes.”

He then says “You know that’s not a reliable form of birth control at your weight?”

I quickly sniped back, “don’t worry, my weight IS a reliable form of birth control. Can we focus back on the cellulitis, the actual reason I am here?”

I weighed 500lbs at the time, Super Morbidly Obese, I was on 100% birth control at the time, if you know what I mean.

But it’s not just patients who encounter weight bias and stigma, the second article addressed how patients act towards doctors who are overweight. We must remember doctors and other medical professional are human too, and face the same challenges we do. The article mentions Dr. George Fielding, a weight lose surgeon, who was overweight and found his patients questioned his ability because of his appearance. However, he was able to relate to the same struggles his patients were trying to overcome. Read the full article here: When the Doctor Is Overweight

  • Have you experienced weight bias and stigma when seeking healthcare treatment?
  • Have you ever not been able to have a test performed because the table or equipment could not accommodate  your weight?
  • Have you ever questioned  a doctor’s advice because of his/her weight or habits?

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Dear Just My Size, why all the GLITTER?

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This will probably be the first of many rants about Plus Size clothing. I have learned that even my normal sized friends have clothing issues, all sizes vary, as do all bodies. Being a size 2 can be just as challenging to find a nice fitting pair of jeans as being a size 26. I get that, actually I had more clothing disappointments when I was a size 14/16 because there were so many cute shirts or pants IN MY SIZE, yet when I put them on they fit but did not flatter. It was an odd phenomenon for me because usually my “fit” philosophy was “if the clothing FIT on my body then it FIT.” There was no room for flattering because there were actually so few pieces of clothing that would even go on my 500lb body.

So one may wonder if I’m concerned with flattering clothes why am I shopping at Wal-mart? Well, there is the topic for another blog, the price and availability of Plus Size clothing. My quick answer is, if it’s cute and looks nice on me, I do not care what the label says or where it was bought.

Just My Size is one of those known plus size brands; we do not get cute names like Victoria’s Secret. Oh, they abbreviate it to JMS, but still you know it’s Just My Size. Normal sized women get to wear Legg’s Pantyhose, growing up I wore Big Mama You’re Beautiful pantyhose. I appreciate the attempt to boost my self-esteem but I really don’t need that from a pair of XXXL pantyhose.

Throughout the years JMS has been a good reliable friend. Comfortable t-shirts for under $10, and even a few nice surprises like this shirt. One of my FAVORITE shirts purchased a couple years ago: Flattering design, light material, long length, and flutter sleeves that are not tight on my lipedema affected arms.

born2bfat-1

This year I feel my reliable friend has betrayed me with GLITTER. Why JMS? What’s with ALL THE GLITTER  Every t-shirt design has GLITTER! My personality sparkles, my smile shines. I do not need my clothing to do the same. I agree Plus Size women should not be afraid to wear bold colors and be stylish. But GLITTER? We are not toddlers. We are not Princesses (ok well I am, but then I decide when to put on my tutu and tiara and it’s not every day).  So what on earth made you think grown women want GLITTER on their t-shirts? I feel like you do not know your customers at all? I’d expect this from some company who just tosses out some plus size items on the side, but JUST MY SIZE…WE ARE WHO YOU CATER TOO? Why would you put GLITTER on our chests? It’s not cute, not flattering…and actually GLITTER IS ANNOYING because it gets everywhere!

born2bfat-2

Do you think GLITTER designs are appropriate for Women’s clothing, regular or plus size? What’s your favorite “go to” Plus Size brand?

ObesityHelp 2013 National Conference – KEYNOTE SPEAKER: DR. ARYA M. SHARMA

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ObesityHelp 2013 National Conference – KEYNOTE SPEAKER: DR. ARYA M. SHARMA

DR. ARYA M. SHARMA

I am looking forward to the ObesityHelp 2013 National Conference this October. I have been a member of ObesityHelp.com for 10 years and this will be my 8th ObesityHelp Conference. I have learned so much through my experience with ObesityHelp, and met some AWESOME people like Melting Mama and Eggface.

I Wish I Could Bottle My Confidence

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confidence

I wish I could bottle my confidence and have Dove sell the sh!t

They say women will argue about anything, and that was evident this past week as an online battle brewed after the release of Dove’s Real Beauty Sketches video. I wanted to write about the video sooner, but I’m glad life got in the way and I waited, because the chatter and discussion that has occurred makes me wonder, why do we care so much about what other people think of our looks? Why is there so much talk about the definition of beauty when everyone has different tastes and preferences?

When I first saw the Dove video I shared it on my Facebook page and commented that my picture on the left would probably look BETTER than the one described by the stranger. I’m beautiful, I know I’m beautiful and that is all that matters…to ME. Do I think everyone thinks I’m beautiful? No, I’m not vain. I’m realistic. My features do not appeal to everyone, but I learned long ago that I can only control what I was given and trying to please or impress EVERYONE is not possible, so I focus on what makes ME feel beautiful and not worry so much about what other people think of my appearance. Especially people whose opinions mean NOTHING in my daily life.

OMG, look at her socks!

Yes. Socks. It was the first week of my Sophmore year in high school, I probably weighed 350lbs, if not 400lbs. Wearing stylish clothes was not an easy task, options were limited due to my size, and family income. However, my mom always made sure we had a few new outfits to wear back to school. This day I was proudly wearing navy slacks (securely pegged and cuffed), and a rugby type shirt with navy, green, and hot pink stripes. I loved my outfit, I thought I looked stylish. We had to order the pants through a special Plus Size catalog and I was relieved they fit! During history class I was talking with my friends and overheard “oh my god, look at her socks” and noticed the girl was pointing my direction. I thought, what’s wrong with my SOCKS? They are JCPenney socks! They are just typical white socks???  I was so proud of my outfit, yet this girl found SOMETHING she didn’t like about it and made negative comment.

At that moment I realized no matter how hard I might try to impress others there will always be someone, or something negative to be said. I was not bothered by the comment, actually the rest of the year my best friend and I had a running joke when we saw this person, my friend would say “Sarah, are your socks ok?” Really, no tears were shed over someone judging my socks.

And from the other perspective, I do not give much thought to the positive comments and compliments I receive. Why? Because people often lie just to make people feel better and I do not need boost myself up on fakeness and lies. Growing up as an obese child I heard the phrase “You have such a pretty face, it’s such a shame.” Wait? What? Was that a compliment or a put down? What’s a shame? It’s a shame that I have a pretty face? Or it’s a shame that I’m fat?

Of course not everyone who gives a compliment is lying. And I often struggle to accept compliments, and not question the intention of the person giving it. It is hard. What I am talking about it not easy, even for me. The looks I get from others do sting, being judged negatively in the workplace because of my appearance hurts beyond emotionally but financially.

I learned not to value or devalue my self worth based on what others thought about me…period. I do not think I’m beautiful, I KNOW I’m beautiful. I am confident, smart, funny, and I have pretty eyes, a bright smile, and cute dimples. Those are the FIRST things I notice when I see a picture of myself. If prompted to find negatives I could comment about the break-out on my chin and my overgrown eyebrows. It’s funny, I took this no make-up picture specifically for this blog post to show the REAL me, then I realized I was still wearing my blue contact lenses and promptly took them out and retook the pictures. The REAL natural ME.

facepic

Saying I do not care about what others think of my appearance does not mean I do not take pride in how I look. There are also times when appearance matters, such as, work or special occasions. Self-confidence and pride in oneself allows for the inner beauty to shine through.

Self confidence is REAL beauty.

Of all the beauty posts I’ve seen in the past week, Colleen Clark comic gets it right: Our bodies do not define us.

World’s Largest Hips: A Health Threat?

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Finally, LIPEDEMA mentioned on a national talk show! Thank you The Doctors!

For so many years I’ve seen lipedema and/or lymphedema patients on talks shows about “obesity” and the host and doctor totally ignore giant legs and hips! This doctor GETS it!

Yes, lipedema patients will still have diseases because of our weight, carrying around extra weight is hard on the body.

I love Mikel’s attitude! I want to meet her when I’m in L.A. this October!

Fat doesn’t always FLOAT! – My near death experience

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Today is the 4th Anniversary of my near drowning.  Wait is that the right word? Anniversaries are usually happy occasions, depending to whom you are married, ok well I am happy to be alive!

miami beach

The afternoon started off happy enough, it was a Friday and I took off work early to spend time with the guy I had recently started dating. It was a beautiful day to head to the beach.

For some women being seen in a swimsuit by their new man for the first time would be scary enough. For me, it wasn’t an issue. We arrive at the beach, and I notice it was really windy. I even said “wow, it’s really windy is there any warnings posted?”(Famous last words #1)  I looked up and down the beach at several nearby lifeguard stands and saw no red or yellow flags posted.

So after laying our blanket out we headed into the water. The waves were a bit rough, so we agreed not to go “too far”. We began talking about how nice the day was, how we liked the beach, he then asked me “how well can you swim?” (Famous last words #2), I replied that I was a decent swimmer but I had back up since FAT FLOATS. He then told me that I was in good hands because he used to be a junior lifeguard. (Famous last words #3)

At nearly that very moment a big wave crashed over us and knocked my sunglasses off my face. The water was so shallow and clear I could see my sunglasses in the sand below us and we both tried to pick them up. At this same time more waves were crashing over us and we soon realized we were out farther than we should be, then a huge wave hit and knocked his REAL glasses off his face. The situation turned SERIOUS within seconds.

He was taller than me and was able to get his footing in the sand; I on the other hand was being pulled out with each wave that crashed. As the waves crashed I would get close enough to almost reach his hand, but then get pulled right back out to sea.  This occurred a couple times until I realized I was in a rip current and I should not fight it. I had heard on the news how to survive a rip current and told him we needed to stop, I needed to let it take me. I was pulled out a bit farther and another wave crashed over me and pushed me under water a few seconds that felt like minutes. As I came up I told myself to catch a big breath so I could handle the “next” hit.

Just then I noticed the lifeguards on the beach with a rescue truck waving to me; they then waved their arms indicating I was out to far and needed to “come in”. You think? I immediately thought “IT’S YOUR JOB TO GET ME TO SHORE!”…realizing they didn’t know I was in distress I yelled out “HELP ME”. With that they came running. My boyfriend was still in the water, as he never gave up trying to help me. Even though he didn’t need recued, one lifeguards tended to him by making him grab a life ring and walk to shore. Another lifeguard swam out to me with a board and helped me climb on top and he paddled in the short distance to shore. As he paddled I apologized several times for getting out so far, he then replied “you’re just lucky we were here, with all the recent budget cuts we do not patrol as often.” Yes, I am!

Once on shore, the lifeguards asked me a few questions about how I felt and had me fill out an incident report. I felt tired, but ok, I had not swallowed any water that I remembered. They warned me of the signs to watch for in case I had actually swallowed water, then they showed me a “safer” area to go back in the water. I replied “oh we won’t be going back in the water today!”

We sat down on our blanket just to rest before heading to the car. The CAR! It’s was a stick shift, I couldn’t drive a stick shift and he had no GLASSES! Thankfully, he kept a spare pair of glasses in his gym bag.  Whew another disaster diverted. So we headed back to my apartment changed and went to dinner.

So much excitement for one day!

I am thankful to be alive, I have to admit with all the previous scary health issues I had encountered I was already living life to the fullest…thus taking the afternoon off to head to the beach! The incident did make me more aware of the importance to always swim near a lifeguards stand, and to stay out of the water in windy conditions, even if caution flags are not posted, AND that no matter how buoyant my bootie might be, never underestimate the power of the ocean!

parking ticket

I kept our parking receipt as a memento of the day.

Check out them cankles! Proud of my legs, not ashamed.

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Many women hate their legs, especially their thighs. Too wide, too saggy, too many spider veins, too white…no shorts…no swim suits. Any negative feelings I have towards my legs are not based on appearance. Only time I “hate” my legs are when they are sore and painful, or have a ragging case of cellulitis. As far as appearance, I am PROUD of my legs, they show progress, they are a symbol of a health issue I overcame and successfully maintain on a daily basis. My legs support me, and I am so much stronger because of them.

legsbefore

This picture was taken the day I was diagnosed with Lymphedema in December 2001.

legsafter

This picture was after years (at least 7 years) of MLD (Manual Lymph Drainage) and compression wrapping. Now maintained by wear daytime compression garments.